Overheard In New York 2018-08-15T23:06:37Z https://overheardinnewyork.com/feed/atom/ WordPress https://overheardinnewyork.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/cropped-ny-favicon-32x32.png admin <![CDATA[Isn't That a Medical Condition?]]> 2018-08-15T23:06:37Z 2018-08-15T23:06:37Z Boricua chick #1: So does your new boyfriend go to school?
Boricua chick #2: Yeah, he goes to some fancy-ass school in Manhattan… BMCC or somethin' like that.

–Queens Blvd

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admin <![CDATA[I Would Shave, Though]]> 2018-08-15T10:55:24Z 2018-08-15T10:55:24Z Queer hipster: Do my labia look too puffy?
JAP: What?
Queer hipster: My labia!
JAP: What the hell did you just say? I can’t hear you.
Queer hipster: My va-gi-na lips! Do they look too puffy?
JAP: Oh… No, not at all.

–Ben & Jerry’s

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admin <![CDATA[Wednesday One-Liners Have Tunnel Vision]]> 2018-08-14T22:42:33Z 2018-08-14T22:42:33Z Conductor: The next stop is…155th Street.

–Uptown D train, 170th St

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Conductor, over radio: Hey, Steve, do we have to fill out an unusual occurrence report for being on time?

–Amtrak train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Mike

Conductor: This is a downtown 4 train making local stops. I repeat, this…Stop looking at me like that, nigga, or I’ll kill yo’ ass…This is a downtown 4 train making local stops…

–Downtown 4 train

Conductor, over loudspeaker: Come on! Step on the train. Don’t just look at the doors. Walk on!

–N train

Overheard by: Lila

Conducter: This is the back! This is the back of the train! The back, as in not the front!

–NJ Transit train, Penn Station

Overheard by: stupid tourist

Conductor: This is South Orange. South Orange. South Orange. [sound of a group of people cheering is heard over the speaker] Hallelujah! Hallelujah! This is South Orange!

–NJ Transit train from Penn Station to Dover

Conductor: We’re being held up by a C train in front of us. If you’re nervous or scared, we’ll be moving to our destination in a moment. No worries!

–Uptown A train

Overheard by: wasn’t too worried

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admin <![CDATA[And She Has the Good Taste to Fuck Me]]> 2018-08-14T10:40:03Z 2018-08-14T10:40:03Z Teenage boy #1: So, would you say she's a ho?
Teenage boy #2: No, I wouldn't say she's a ho, she just likes to fuck a lot.

–R Train

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admin <![CDATA[God, I Love Church Retreats]]> 2018-08-13T22:25:42Z 2018-08-13T22:25:42Z Guy #1: So how was your weekend? Did you go on the trip?
Guy #2: It was insane man, a real pagan festival.
Guy #1: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah, naked girls worshiping a giant tree. Totally crazy.
Guy #1: Did you make a love connection?
Guy #2: I actually made a few love connections, if you know what I mean…

–Men's Room, Hiro Ballroom

Overheard by: Yeah, we know what you mean…

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admin <![CDATA[Making Exactly the Same Mistakes]]> 2018-08-13T10:14:44Z 2018-08-13T10:14:44Z Girl: Did you hear about Barbara Walters and the affairs she had when she was younger? It shocked me.
Guy: Why'd it shock you? A lot of these older people did a lot of crazy shit when they were younger, from violence to sex. How do you think at least 50% of us were born? And she looked kinda good then, I'd have done 'er.
Girl (shaking her head): Just about everybody is fucked up.
Guy (growling and laughing): Don't groan about it, it's nature baby. Us people today are just the latest ones on the scene.

–8th St & 6 Ave

Overheard by: savon

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admin <![CDATA[Mostly “Ow” and “Harder”]]> 2018-08-12T22:00:21Z 2018-08-12T22:00:21Z Guy: So, what did she say about it?
Woman: Well, I was fucking her in the ass when I said it.

–4th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jason Hanrahan

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admin <![CDATA[And Wednesday Said, “Let There Be One-Liners.”]]> 2018-08-12T09:42:14Z 2018-08-12T09:42:14Z Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something?

Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to.

–Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Overheard by: ground floor music lover

Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: That took a turn

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admin <![CDATA[Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period]]> 2018-08-11T21:25:06Z 2018-08-11T21:25:06Z Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

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admin <![CDATA[All You Need Is a Really Good Ventriloquist]]> 2018-08-11T09:13:44Z 2018-08-11T09:13:44Z Caller: Do you have Pavarotti tickets for 2008?
Customer relations rep: Um… No. You do know he passed away, right?
Caller: Yes, but he’s on the program for 2008.

–New York Philharmonic

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