Archive for the ‘Fire’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it’s okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I’m really sorry – I’m just entering the subway, that’s what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn’t wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It’s burning! It’s burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what’s coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can’t talk to you right now. (pause) I’m in the bathroom! (pause) I’ve got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men’s Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Wednesday One-Liners Light Up the Sky Like a Flame

Woman: So, I left her this really erotic message right before her hotel room burnt down. I think that’s why we didn’t get the apartment.

–2 train

30-ish lady to friend: That boy lights himself on fire every time he’s welding something. I think he likes it. He’s some kind of weird pyro.

–17th & 5th, Park Slope

British chick on cell: He what? He keeps setting himself on fire?

–Urban Outfitters, 10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Salami

Queer on cell: So, Todd said, ‘Do you smell smoke?’ It was the gay mafia! They were trying to burn down the bar.

–14th & Ave B

Tipsy 20-something: Well, at least you didn’t get set on fire. That’s the important thing.

–1 train, 72nd St station

Overheard by: Pitr

Even a Penny for Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: Anybody help me feed my stomach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack.

–6 train

Overheard by: P. Von Kant 

Hobo: I said I was hungry. Hungry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this? 

–9th St. & 2nd Ave

Hobo: Wanna see the real Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Dan Arcuri 

She’s the Star of Vivid Video’s ‘Catalina’s Burning Nipples’

Girl: Y’know Catalina who works upstairs? The one with the really big breasts? Whenever it’s a customer’s birthday, she pulls her shirt down, attaches matches to her nipples and lights the cake with them while singing, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Guy: Are her nipples made of wood or something?
Girl: I don’t know. All I know is when I turn around, they’re on fire!

–Uptown N, 23rd St

Overheard by: Jatmos