Slutty girlfriend: You’re too thick for me to properly give you head, though.
Moron boyfriend: You callin’ me stupid?
–Fordham University
Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category
That, and Standing Next to You Makes Me Look Thinner.
College girl #1: I don’t want a flesh-eating disease.
College girl #2: Me either.
College girl #3: Yeah, me either.
College girl #1: Wow, we have so much in common! No wonder we’re friends.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Wednesday One-Liners Reach Maximum Occupancy
Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that’s how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.
–Fordham University
20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It’s like an elevator, but opposite.
–N Train
Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.
–Astoria
20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn’t fall down an elevator shaft?
–F Train
I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One-Liner
Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!
–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center
Overheard by: G‑Lime
A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.
–Forham University
Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!
–A Train
Overheard by: Don
Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.
–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem
Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.
–1250 Broadway
Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!
–44th & Lexington
They Walked–A Lot
Chick: I can never understand how Native Americans stayed in such great shape, and still smoked as much as they did.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: m‑co
Wednesday 1:00-Liners
Dude, in front of closed Staples: Staples doesn’t open until fucking noon? What are we, in a goddamn small town? Noon? Am I supposed to be in fucking church right now? God!
–Meeker St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Simon
Girl on cell: Because I don’t function in the world of time so well.
–7th Ave b/w 27th & 28th St
Overheard by: John C
Pilot on PA: JetBlue welcomes you to New York City, where the local time is 1:40… 1:45… Kinda… I think.
–JFK
Law student to another: What time is it in the real world?
–Fordham Law School
That Stone was Pure Gall
Guido #1: She was givin’ me lip, so I returned the favor by pissing on her face.
Guido #2: For real dog, that’s what you gotta do.
Guido #1: I had to go anyways, so it was really two birds and a stone.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Scotty H
Canadia’s Much Closer
Girl: Where’s the nearest Banana Republic?
Guy: Uh…Dominican Republic?
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: daniela
It’s Nice You Can Share
Girl #1: My boyfriend totally has better taste in guys than I do.
Girl #2: Totally.
–Fordham University
Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled
Professor: So what do we know about these debt notes?” (silence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that obviously you don’t know?
–NYU Law School
Overheard by: Ames
Professor: My favorite words to hear are “just do nothing.” My second favorites are “open bar.”
–College of Mount Saint Vincent, Bronx
Environmental history professor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a hotel of Chicago Thanksgiving dinner from 1872: loin of buffalo, antelope steak in mushroom sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of mountain sheep, buffalo tongue… Miss Palin, your table is ready.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Linguistics professor, about Spanish-speaking families who live in Spanish-speaking neighborhoods: The only English these people hear is from their landlords and social workers.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Latka Hero
NYU professor: So we’re going to be walking, and you’ll notice I walk pretty fast. But we’re in New York, and you’re supposed to walk like you know exactly where you’re going in life and nothing is in your way. Because if you slow down you’ll get mugged. (beat) It’s dog eat dog, people.
–NYU Classroom
Russian literature professor: Oh my god, you just totally missed the point of Jesus!
–NYU Classroom
