Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn’t come it any other colors. Just beige.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: misskitty
Office thug #1: Yo, Windows is, like, mad-retarded!
Office thug #2: Say what?
Office thug #1: I said Windows is bullshit, man.
Office thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way better than whatever computer you got.
Office thug #1: Nigga, my laptop has AIDS!
–52nd St & Madison
Obese black woman, explaining 9⁄11 to seven-year-old daughter: We talk about this every day, honey. The ending’s not gonna change.
Daughter: They put up the flag up after? Didn’t it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kinda had more important things to deal with. They didn’t have a washing machine there.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Technician: It will cost a hundred and fifty dollars to have our technicians look at it.
Girl with computer problem: A hundred and fifty dollars?! No way. I’d rather spend that on alcohol.
–Apple Store Genius Bar
Overheard by: becca
A hobo is talking into his hand as if it were a phone.
Hobo: Fuck that shit. I’m going dancing!
He hangs up his imaginary phone.
Hobo: Damn, that bitch talks too much.
–Staten Island ferry
Little girl playing a Nintendo DS: Yes! Yes!
Mother: What happened?
Little girl: Never mind, Mom. You just wouldn’t understand.
–E train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Kid presses call button on commuter hotline phone.
Father: Why did you do that?
Son: I’m sorry. I didn’t know what it was.
Father: If you do that again the police will arrest you.
Son: Really?
Father: Yes, George Bush will come and take you to jail.
Son: What?
Father: He will kill you and put your picture on the Wall of Memories [Ground Zero feature].
–World Trade Center PATH station
Gangster into cell: Hold your hand up like a antenna, and maybe your budget-ass phone would work.
–E 5th & 2nd Ave
Teen boy #1: Did you ever do that in Grand Theft Auto?
Teen boy #2: Yes. It’s fucking nuts. Nuts as in testicles.
–207th & Broadway
Salesman demonstrating massager on self: It’s supposed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps massage your shoulders.
Middle-aged woman, unimpressed: What about that one?
Salesman, picking up new massager: This is a vibrator.
Middle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]Salesman: Uh, I mean, it operates using vibration — the first one’s called a percussion massager. It’s just a… different type of massager.
–Brookstone, Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: she didn’t buy either one
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist