Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
Archive for the ‘Getting Off’ Category
But Now That You Mention It…
Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn’t know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.
–Times Square
Wednesday One-liners by Peter
Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client.
–48th & Madison
Shanks Has a Girlfriend? Baloney!
Man #1: So, shit, man, what was it like in prison?
Man #2: I learned how to make a girl out of three baloney sandwiches.
–L train
Overheard by: Sarah Lippek
The Jury Will Disregard This Testimony
Woman #1: Yo, you need to come out tonight! We’re going to that strip club!
Woman #2: Yo! Not in front of my son!
Woman #1: Oh, sorry! But it’s that good one we were at that other time.
Woman #2: Damn, yeah! That was some crazy shit!
–Pizzeria, Graham Ave
Overheard by: Mr. Man
Santa Claus is Coming!
Cameraman: They actually have a huge problem every year at Rockefeller Center with all the people standing around at the ice rink and the tree. Guys will jerk off and rub up against people.
–9th Ave. and 55th
Overheard by: Meredith
Say, Aren’t You My Congressman?
Older man: Hey, can I ask you about that digital camera you have?
20-something guy: Yeah, sure. Thinking of buying one for your kid or someone?
Older man: When you take pictures on that thing, do you have to bring it to the photo store still to get developed?
20-something guy: Oh, no. I mean, you can and they can do it for you, but I usually just print–
Older man: –You can print them at home, right? Okay, good, because I sometimes take personal pictures, and I hesitate to bring them to the photo store. Doing it in private would be better for me. Now, I can delete them or save them in a secret hiding place at home too… Right?
20-something guy: … Uh, I suppose.
–6 train, Union Square
Overheard by: Matty K
It Would Finally Be Okay for Him to Suck
Amy Poehler: Yeah, I can’t believe I was pretending to jerk off on a gay cruise and looking at Seth the whole time. He was really embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.
–26th & 8th
Coming Soon to a Theater Near You
Guy #1: Hey, answer me seriously, what would you do if one day I killed our neighbor?
Guy #2: I would turn into a giant penis and spray semen all over the city.
–A train
The Oldest Wednesday One-liners Profession
Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nigger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nigger whores, even some white whores. That’s the only way I can get off now.
–Da Andrea, Hudson Street
