NYU girl #1: It’s almost like… a pseudo-lesbian crush… I mean, I don’t wanna touch her or anything.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, I don’t wanna touch her, I just…
NYU girl #1: I just, like, want her to lay in my bed with me and tell stories.
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn’t know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.
–Times Square
Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.
–3rd between B & C
Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.
–124th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.
–NYU School of social work
Overheard by: Maggie
White boy #1: I only like to watch girl-on-girl.
White boy #2: What? You don’t like dick in your porn? That’s fucking gay.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jesse
Woman #1: I thought you loved me — didn’t last night mean anything to you?
Woman #2: I do love you, that’s why I let you swallow my babies.
–43rd & 8th
Overheard by: Elan
Chick: My husband and I like to go to titty bars in the city. That’s why we get on so well — he likes girls and I like girls.… So, when you hang out with your buddies do you go to titty bars?
Dude: Er, not really — maybe once we went.
–Radio City Fashion Rocks show
Overheard by: Listening in the line
Blonde: You know what I just learned? G‑E-O-R‑G isn’t pronounced ‘George’ — it’s pronounced ‘gay-something.’
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: It’s too cold for stupidity
Fag hag to queer pal: It’s like, we’re like… cotillion-izing!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: jaded library dweller
Ghetto chick: Yo, he is datin’ Sheryl now. I told him, ‘Tell me when you kiss her.’ He was all, ‘Why?’ so I said, ‘So I know not to kiss her!’ I’m bilingual, yo.
–L train, 3rd Ave stop
Overheard by: katiebeans
Loud woman: That is ‘conniving’ with a capital ‘K’!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave
Angry wife to husband: You are so patronistic. I seriously can’t stand how fucking patronistic you are.
–56th & 5th
15-year-old girl to group of friends: I be takin’ AP English this year, yo. I the only one in that motherfucker that don’t be lookin’ like they be deliverin’ yo’ egg rolls when they ain’ts in school an’ shit.
–210th St & Bainbridge Ave
Overheard by: gutterlush
Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter’s name. I did not name my daughter ‘Lady Nasty’! I named my baby girl ‘La Dynasty.’
–JFK
Overheard by: The REAL Lady Nasty
Chick #1: I don’t want to hook up with her again.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: I don’t like her eyebrows. They’re too bushy. Is that bad? I’m picky.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Justin
Chick #1: So, what are we doing tonight?
Chick #2: I don’t know… Wanna go down on me?
Chick #1: Jesus Christ, Chelsea, can you be a little louder?
Chick #2: So, is that a ‘No’?
–Central Park
Overheard by: emily
College chick #1: I think I’m bisexual.
College chick #2: What do you mean, ‘think’?
Older guy behind them: What do you mean, ‘bisexual’?
–Express train
Overheard by: Ari
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist