Girl #1: Where is he from, anyway?
Girl #2: I dunno, he’s from Fort Dallas or something.
Girl #1: He’s from some fort town.
Girl #2: Well, there’s Dallas-Fort Worth, but that’s, like, a big city. (pause) He’s from wherever Kelly Clarkson’s from.
Girl #1: Oh, okay!
–LIRR
Overheard by: openmic
Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That’s okay, I’m a nun!
–9th & Broadway
Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He’s not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s like his little helper.
–Metro North Rail
Girl #1: So he just made up lies about her? What an asshole!
Girl #2: Well, they aren’t necessarily lies…
Girl #1: You mean it’s true?
Girl #2: Think about it. (pause) I mean, she’s so skinny. And they’re so perky.
–NYU Silver Center
Shaggy high school boy: I totally saw her roller blading on my block.
Shaggy high school girl: Oh my god, she would be roller blading.
–Calhoun School, 81st & West End
Overheard by: Booters
Woman: I think she’s Russian. No wait, I think she is from Tennessee, yeah she’s like this poor girl from Tennessee. So anyways, she goes to the Hamptons… Wait now I remember, she is from Utah; she’s Mormon. That’s it. So she goes to the Hamptons and meets this guy…
Man: Wait a minute, what’s a Russian Mormon doing in the Hamptons?
Woman, annoyed: [groan]
–Whole Foods Columbus Circle
Loud teenage guidette: He doesn’t date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or something. I heard — yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant — like religious. They worship this Chinese guy…
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white people.
–Starbucks
Brunette sister: Ally did turn into a slut in college!
Blonde sister: She’s our sister!
Brunette sister: She’s getting more than we did in college! Although I got more than you.
Blonde sister: Yeah, probably. I’m paying for the lattes.
–Starbucks, Bryant Park
Guy #1: Did you hear that Beyonce is playing Eartha Kitt in a biopic?
Guy #2: What the fuck? Are you serious? I need to get in contact with god!
Guy #1: Yeah, I think we are in our last days, like old people say.
–5th Ave b/w 18th & 19th St
Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise.
–PATH Train
Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Coleman?” and I’m like, “No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!”
–4th & 10th
Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It’s totally fine.
–E 11th St
Overheard by: j
Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera”!
–Bedford & 6th St
Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.
–Borders, Wall St
Overheard by: step
Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can’t put this on MySpace. I’m wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!
–Outside Barrymore Theatre
Overheard by: Pasta…Salad
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist