Goths

Tall goth girl to rotund, geeky friend: She’s a fat black goth! Kinda like if you, me, and Bill Cosby joined forces.

Denver, Colorado

Geeky girl: You know, I’ve still got my ex-boyfriend’s mom’s library card.
Goth friend: …We should totally go and check out, like, animal porn with it.

Aurora, Colorado

Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way.
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way. Too royal.
Skinny white guy: I’m serious.
Goth girl: No way. Princess Di was way too perfect to be giving someone head while they’re driving.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Nick K.

Teen goth girl: Yeah, I was going to go. But, seriously, what's the point of Bar Mitzvahs without trannies?

Bridgeland
Calgary
Canadia

(walking past Victoria's Secret PINK)
Goth #1: Dude, that place sells, like, sexy lingerie for 14-year-olds.
Goth #2: Awesome, dude!

Old Orchard Mall
Skokie, Illinois

Goth girl, to friend looking at military jackets: You can get those a lot cheaper at goodwill, dude.
Overweight friend: Not in my size! When fat people die, they leak, and then their clothes can’t be given to goodwill!

Starfest Sci-Fi Convention
Denver, Colorado

Gamer dude: … and the game comes with like, real guns.
Wannabe goth chick: They’re actual guns?
Gamer dude: Well like, real models. And it comes with this mirror that lets you see yourself and like, shows what you look like if you get shot in the face.
Wannabe goth chick: That’s nice. That’s not something you would normally get to see if you got shot in the face.

UAB
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Kitty-Jack

Goth lolita girl: I'm sensing some copyright violations in your aura.
Emo guy: Nuh-uh!

Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia

Teen goth girl to crying friend: Ignore the guys. They’re all jerks, especially at this age. Go for the ones that are, like, twenty. Actually, that’s a little young. I aim for the men in their 30s or 40s. That way their kids are your age, so you can bond better with them.

Heritage Park
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: c.j.

13-year-old goth boy: Hey! You look like a hippie!
Hippie: Yeah…
13-year-old goth boy, offering hand: My name’s Jason*. I thought I should introduce myself since I said you looked like a hippie and all.
Hippie: Okay…
13-year-old goth boy: You know, you look like a Tim. I’ve got a friend named Tim who looks just like you, only his face is mousier.
13-year-old goth girl: Oh. My. God! That’s it! No snowball for you!
13-year-old goth boy: Christ! I can’t play with dead squirrels, I can’t talk to the hippie…! What the hell can I do?!

Snowball stand
Stewartstown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Amused Girlfriend