Chick: Are you hungry? I have some leftover vietnamese food you can have.
Hobo: Well, what is it? I’m religious. I don’t eat pork.
Chick: There’s no pork. It’s just vegetarian noodles.
Hobo: Noodles? Nah, I’m trying to cut back on carbs.
–Grand Central food court
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.
–Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…
–56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
–74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!
–Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
Guy: So, can I just walk you halfway there and then leave so I don’t have to see your mom?
Girl: No.
Guy: Fuck.
–Grand Central Terminal
Bronx guy: I mean, he’s fuckin’ a 12-year-old boy right now, as we speak.
Transit worker: I hear ya.
–Grand Central
Female day-drinking tourist: Oh shit, I left my vodka in the church!
–Outside Trinity Church
Man on cell: If it’s possible to ferment it, we have fermented it.
–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave
Middle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs – they eat and then they go? In one end and out the other. I’m like that. My bladder has room for the equivalent of one good cocktail.
–10th Ave and W 50th St
Overheard by: Ah.…middle age
Commuter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: baconista
Old drunk walking into a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my prescription?
–Broadway & 106th St
Overheard by: rickbruner
Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!
–Grand Central Terminal
Acting professor: Act as if you’re fascinated by what they’re saying, while thinking about something else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get married.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lisa
Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it – unless she’s married!
–2 Train
Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I’ll let you marry my daughter!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Ricky
Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.
–Central Park
Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit: That’s why I can’t help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say “excuse me!”
–Macy’s, Herald Square
Overheard by: The City Planner
Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?
–1st Ave & 6th St
Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what’s great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it’s no big deal, because you’ll probably never see those people again, you know?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BPV
Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like “shitter.”
–96th & Columbus Ave
Guy on cell: Wow! That’s a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I’d put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn’t matter, I’ve got the space. I can’t eat that many cookies.
–23rd & Lexington
Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl on cell: Well, it’s still rectal.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn’t exactly what I had in mind!
–28th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Jar Aaron
20-something woman: Baby, I think we’re going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.
–Herkimer St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: M. Fresh
Passenger #1: What’s that movie with Julia Roberts where she plays the runaway bride?
Passenger #2: My Best Friend’s Wedding?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: EmLo
Disgruntled woman: You know, you could take someone’s eye out if you’re not careful with that umbrella.
Umbrella-wielding man, cheerily: That is perfectly okay!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Lysa
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist