Guy to friend: you should come by tomorrow, I’m having a house party, there’s going to be weed and meth.
Friend: You shouldn’t do meth, it’s messed up.
Guy: Yeah, but it’s Thanksgiving.
–Bar None, The Village
Overheard by: Seth
Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category
Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System
Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m directly under it right now.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam – Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.
Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the downtown side of the street!
–East Side
Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the corner of fuckin’ somethin’ an somethin’.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don’t know!
–West Village
Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Avenue.
–G Train
Forty-Year-Old Wirgins
Asian guy #1: Dude, the Wii is so much better than the Cube.
Asian guy #2: No, the Cube is so much better!
Asian guy #3: Yeah, the Cube has so much more power, and the dynamics of the graphics…
Asian guy #2, interrupting: The graphics! They are soooo awesome!
Asian guy #1: Hey, guys? Why are we talking about video games?
Asian guy #3: Because we’re boys.
Asian guy #2: Nah…because we’re Asian.
Asian guy #3: Dude, if I could be Colossus it would be sooo cool, cuz I wouldn’t have to wear my glasses anymore!
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emma
Headline by: Doc Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And Have an Undersized Metal Penis!” — Patrick
· “Every Asian Girl´s Parents´ Wet Dream!” — Ria
· “It Was at This Moment Kim Jong-il Selected His Son to Be His Successor” — What about NES?
· “Somewhere, the Mutant Sunspot Is Gently Weeping” — wirrrn
Last Night While I Was Sleeping, They Dipped My Hand in Water!
Guy #1: I’m so tired. The monks kept me up all night.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: There are a bunch of Buddhist monks staying at my house.
Guy #2, laughing: What? Are you serious? Why are they there?
Guy #1: Because my mom is a political activist or something.
Guy #2: (laughs)
Guy #1: It’s not even funny, it’s just weird. I have all these Buddhist monks plotting a revolution in my living room!
–Stuyvesant High School
It’s Not Like He’s Some Crazy German or Anything
Guy #1: Benedict? That’s a terrible name for a Pope!
Guy #2: What do you know? There’s been fifteen of them already!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: koaloha
Ah, Spring, Whan a Young Man’s Fancy Turns to Groping in the Back Seat
Girl #1: I think spring is my favorite season, I mean, it’s mating season… but I dunno, I also like the fall.
Girl #2: No, it’s true, all creatures mate during spring.
Guy: Yeah. I mean, prom is during spring.
–111th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
I Blame It on Barking Wood Spiders
Dude: Is there a frog in here?
Chick: Sorry, I tooted.
–A train
Overheard by: nicole
Dear Diary: I Maced a Strange Man in an Elevator Today
Scruffy guy: Do cockroaches need oxygen?
Chick: Um… what?
Scruffy guy: Do cockroaches need oxygen?
Chick: I have no idea.
Scruffy guy: Cause I was thinking, if they do, maybe that’s why we never see them in this elevator, where there is no oxygen.
–W 151st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Wednesday One-Liners for Vanessa Hudgens
Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?
–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Swimfan
Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!
–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center
Overheard by: Natalie
Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.
–Museum of Art and Design
Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.
–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator
Overheard by: Martin
Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Lilo
Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.
–A Train
Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know
Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.
–N 4th & Bedford Ave
It’s a Tortoise, but Whatever
Girl: I thought it was gonna be like a tiny thing!
Guy, freaking out: Why do you have a huge ass turtle?!
–Canal & Mott
