Annoyed woman: And then there’s that one guy, that creepy guy who’s always harassing me.
Confused man: Who?
Annoyed woman: That guy, he’s really pale.
Confused man: Oh, is this the albino guy?
Annoyed: No, no, the albino guy is cool. It’s that film student.
Confused man: The guy who works at Anderson’s?
Annoyed woman: No, that’s the other one. He’s all right, that guy’s all right.
–R Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry anything. I don’t even fry my food anymore.
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny
Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: What a waste!
Preppy guy: At least *I’m* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don’t know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.
–John St
Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?
–Times Square
Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Catie
Screaming deranged lesbian to gay leathermen: Who’s the titty toucher?
(bewildered looks all around, then a gay leatherman sheepishly raises hand)
Screaming deranged lesbian: Here’s a 10% coupon! Thanks for the titty grope!
–The Leatherman Store
Columbia student: Do you go to NYU?
NYU student: Yes, how did you know?
Columbia student: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their students from the homeless shelter.
NYU student: Excuse me?
Columbia student: I’m your biggest enemy.
NYU student: What?
Columbia student: I go to Columbia.
NYU student: Can you leave me alone?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Cooper Union Student
Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I’m harassing you because you’re white and I’m black.
Girl on train: I’m not white, okay? I’m not white, stop looking at me. I don’t look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I’m not into fat girls, so I’ll look somewhere else. I’m not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I’m into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?
–Downtown 2 Train
Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?
–9th & 47th
Overheard by: wondering
Older queer to boyfriend: There’s nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!
–W 72nd St, Record Store
Overheard by: I’ll have to try that sometime…
(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads “Big and tall active bottoms”)
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you’re in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!
–KMart, Penn Station
Overheard by: RoverUSA
Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don’t even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain’t my kid.
–M15 Bus
Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…
–86th St & Lexington
Hipster girl: Get your hands off of me, pervert!
Disheveled non-hipster: I ain’t got my hands on you! Since you got to go accusing me, well, shit, might as well be guilty! [Grabs her chest]
–L train, Bedford Ave
Overheard by: Dead Man Walking
Somewhat large woman: And then the orangutan started totally groping me!
Passerby, stopping: You’ve got my attention.
–7th St & 1st Ave
12-year-old girl to friend: So, he asked me for a piggyback ride and grabbed onto my boobs! Isn’t that what you call sexism? When you’re a perv? Sexist?
–6th & Houston
Overheard by: Ha, ha, Mal.
Man on cell: You’re an eight, but you’d be a ten if your boobs were bigger…
–19th & 7th
Girl: Where’s my phone? … Oh, there’s my boob.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mariah
Woman on cell: I have to throw my breasts around and tell every guy I want to have sex with them at work.
–68th & 2nd
Chick on cell: I haven’t yet met him, you know, but he has a Christmas card featuring my boobies on his fridge.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Ladle
Middle-aged man: The hell makes you think I’m following you?
MILF with baby: Oh, I dunno. Maybe because every time I turn around, you’re standing there with that stupid, constipated look on your face!
–JFK
Overheard by: Sketch
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist