Man on subway: Does this train go to 125th Street?
Woman: No. It’s going downtown.
Man on subway: Oh, shit. I gotta go to 125th Street and suck a dick to get some crack.
–1 Train
Archive for the ‘Hard Drugs’ Category
…I’ve Seen You Naked
Man: I just like to smoke crack, get naked and fuck young boys. Is that wrong?
Woman: That is very wrong.
–East Village
It’s a Tale As Old As Time
Preppy blonde: And I would be in the alley, all secret… And then out of nowhere people in the street would hear “Fuck yeah – crack!” coming from the alley, and then the police would come, and I would totally be saying goodbye to my chances at Yale.
Tiny brunette friend: Yeah, totally.
–82nd & York
Crack Is Back/ Food Is Whack
Woman, yelling into cell: Why you gotta be eatin’ all my food for? You a damn crackhead, you don’t need no damned food!
Woman sitting next to her, shaking his head: Yeah, food is whack.
–M60 Bus
Overheard by: RickyB
To Be Fair, It Arrives So Infrequently That Even We Forget.
Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo-yah! Buh-buh-buh boo-yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?
–Bedford L Train
Overheard by: Ben Graney
Are Wednesday One-Liners Funny Ha-Ha, or Funny-Peculiar?
Guy eating pancakes: Everything’s funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.
–IHOP, Brooklyn
Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.
–Hunter College
Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that’s funny? It’s not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!
–Water St & Broad St
Girl to her friend: Wouldn’t it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?
–8th St & 2nd Ave
Lady sitting with girlfriends: It’s funny because I’m pregnant, and he doesn’t know.
–Starbucks
Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That’s not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That’s funny!
–W 4th & Barrow
Overheard by: jira monkey
I’m Converting My Tax Refund Into $60 Grams
Guy #1: How does my nose look?
Guy #2: You’re good.
–Penn Station men’s room
Overheard by: Christian
Medsday One-Liners
Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!
–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paper
Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!
–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center
Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn’t get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.
–Kings County Emergency Room
Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you’d go to the hospital!
–Nassau St & Ann St
Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
She’s on Coke, Duuuh!
Bus driver: That’s what crack will do to you.
Crazy lady: What? Crack? Did you say I’m on crack? Hell no. I have too much ass to be on crack. I have too much jewelry to be on crack. You see these? They’re real diamonds. You hear these? They’re keys jingling — keys to my house. Next time you see someone having a bad day, just say ‘I guess they’re having a bad day’ not ‘they’re on crack. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you!
–125th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: ColumbiaCat
Take Me Out to the Hallucination-of-a-Ballgame…
Vendor: Crackerjacks! Crackerjacks!
Very drunk woman: Crackerjacks?! What about LSD??
–Keyspan Park, Coney Island
Overheard by: Jamie
