NYU girl #1 with a low-cut shirt: Oh my god, why is it so hot outside? My boobs are burning!
Hot NYU guy: Hey, Cindy*!
NYU girl #1: Oh, hey Sam*!
NYU girl #2, after guy passes by: He totally heard you say your boobs were burning.
NYU girl #1, embarrassed: I know.
–Washington Square South
Overheard by: might wanna get that checked out
Woman #1, fanning herself on crowded train: It is hot.
Woman #2, also fanning herself: If this were the Underground Railroad, damn, I would have been a slave forever.
–A Train
Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it.
–Columbia
20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City.
–Columbia
Overheard by: martina m.
Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Ladle
Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar.
–1 train
Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’
–1 train
Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is.
–Columbia
Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition.
–116th St
Overheard by: Sam
Big muscular man on cell: It’s so damn hot, I’m glad I’m not wearing makeup.
–Outside Tribeca Deli
Overheard by: Akiko
Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it’s hot!
–Downtown 1 Train
Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It’s so hot my pussy is melting!
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: lemchek
Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him!
–Thompson & W 3rd St
Guy: I’m telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something.
–Starbucks
Dude to friend: I wanna say she’s hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover.
–The Village
(passengers start closing bus windows because of heavy rain)
Girl #1: That window’s still open.
Girl #2 (reaching over sleeping girl and closing it): Oh my god, I feel like I’m her savior.
Girl #1: Uh-huh.
Girl #2: But now it’s really hot. Should we open a window?
Girl #1: Fine. (reaches over and opens the window next to the sleeping girl)
Girl #2: You’re evil.
Girl #1: Yeah, like you weren’t thinking of doing the same exact thing.
–Bronx Science Vallo Bus
Girl: The polar ice caps are melting…
Guy #1: Yeah, ’cause of global warming!
Guy #2: Um…it’s summertime.
–F train
Overheard by: cupcake
Young man: Man, is it hot out here today!
Older man: Yes, it is. I can’t believe I can still feel the sun on my head in the shade.
–Wall St
Logistical genius: If the power goes out and we lose the air conditioning, we can always use the fans.
–SoHo
Dude on cell: Am I keeping it real? I’m wearing a Goddamn blazer, and it’s 100 degrees out. Of course I’m keeping it real!
–Hudson & Leroy
Conductor: Now, I know it’s real hot out there, so this is what I do when I’m walking down the streets of New York and trying to keep cool. I just sing this little song to myself: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know”…All right, you all, this is 68th Street. Keep cool out there.
–A train
Overheard by: Chloe
Woman to her son: It’s too hot for stupidness.
–59th St
Proselytizer: You think this is hot? Hell is hot!
–Uptown N train
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Guy on cell: How you been doing in this heatwave?…That’s hot…Well, now I’m getting all hot, thinking of my hot, sweaty cousin.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Nozomi
Dedicated employee: Frankly, the only reason I’m going in to work today is because they have better air conditioning than I do.
–Manhattan bound R train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Latino: It’s fucking warm, yo!
Building custodian, in heavy Trinidadian accent: So it is, mon! So it is!
Latino: The world is going to end very soon, yo!
Building custodian: Maybe so, my brotha!
Latino: No! I’m fucking serious, yo!
–151 W 26th St, Chelsea
Overheard by: jairoski
Teacher: My father always told me, “Never run away from a fight. If the guy’s bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, ’cause this dude’s gonna kill you!”
–Stuyvesant High School
Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Goober
Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. “People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!” …and be strong.
–Bard High School Early College
Math teacher: Give me your little men!
–Spence School
English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I’m not going to hit you.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist