Fratboy: They’re going to tear that building down, because it’s seriously decrapitated. I mean, just totally decrapitated.
–BAM Cinematek
Girl on cell: He’s going to hell and I don’t even care. He’s going to die and I’m fine with it.
–Houston & 1st Ave.
Guy: My mom was going through menopause, and I could totally relate.
–Lafayette & 3rd St.
Overheard by: Tedd
Guy #1: You know Jason?
Guy #2: The gay one?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: What about him?
Guy #1: I saw him kiss a girl.
Guy #2: Was it like a friend kiss?
Guy #1: No, there was tongue and everything.
Guy #2: So he’s not gay?
Guy #1: I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Fuck! Now I can’t brag that I have a gay friend anymore!
Guy #1: Don’t worry, you can still say he’s bi since we still have no proof that he is not interested in guys.
Guy #2: That’s a good idea. Interesting…you know what, that’s what I’ll do, cause there is just no way in hell that Jason is straight.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Guy #1: See that, that’s the New Jersey Transit.
Guy #2: Good God, that’s where they get in?
Guy #3: And everyone thought Sunnydale is where the Hellmouth is.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Joseph
Boy#1: So what are you going to do? Go to gospel choir practice or go shopping?
Boy#2: The sales are this week. God…is…forever.
Boy#1: …you may be going to Hell, but at least you’ll look good going.
–East Village
Overheard by: michi‑L
In a coffeeshop in Los Angeles (the Novel cafe in Santa Monica), a tutor is giving a beginning Spanish lesson to a student at the table next to me. The student is reading a newspaper article in Spanish, and then translating each sentence word by word:
Student: “I don’t know what this word, ‘decada’ means”
Teacher: “What do you think it means?”
Student: “I don’t know”
Teacher: “Guess.”
Student: “I really don’t know”
Teacher: “Here’s a hint. It’s very similar to an English word”
Student: “ ‘Decada’? Deca.…. I have no idea”
Teacher: “It’s almost identical to the English word”
Student: “uhhhhh”
Teacher: “There’s only one letter difference”
Student: “deca.…?”
Teacher: “C’mon, what do you think?”
Student: “I really have no idea”
(Teacher pinches her on the nose!)
Teacher: “It’s Decade!!!”
Student: “Ahhhhh!!!! Okay! I feel stupid!”
Woman walking in Stanley Park in Vancouver to the man with her: “Your serotonin levels seem really high today.”
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I celebrate Easter. I’m Catholic. It’s tradition for my family to go gambling in Atlantic City that day.
Teenage girl #2: Wait, isn’t that one of the seven unforgivable vices? You’re doing it on Easter, too. Haha.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, well… We don’t really believe in that religion bullshit. Atlantic City allows us to stick it to the man.
Teenage girl #1: Is that Jesus? Wow, you’re going to hell.
–51st & Park Ave
Girl to friend: (smiling) I am so happy to have gone to the spa!
Angry preacher passing by: (screaming) You are all going to hell!
Girl to friend: (no longer smiling) I didn’t need to hear that.
–Port Authority
Girl: I don’t think “Keep your legs closed” is part of Catholic mass.
–Elevator, Brooklyn Law School dorm
Guy on cell: That’s because I’m not a sinner…Well, I don’t consider that a sin.
–50th & 7th
Overheard by: Proud Sinner
Man: If hell had a bathroom, this would be it.
–LIRR bathroom, Penn Station
Passenger: This is the train to hell – and we’re in the first car!
–L train, passing 1st Ave without stopping
Overheard by: Ciara&Andrea
Girl on cell: It’s not selling your soul to the devil if it pays the rent.
–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: M. Nofier
Heathen: I’m worried because we’re going to Burning Man, which, you know, is not church camp.
–Rope, Myrtle between Clinton & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn
Overheard by: our lady mess
Young queer: The Jesus man touched me funny!
–36th & 6th
Overheard by: He touched me too
Hipster chick: So what happened? Why did you two break up?
Hipster boy: She’s a slut. Her vagina’s the gateway to Hell.
–L train
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist