Woman: Oh! I got you some Xanax for your wedding day.
–14th & 9th
Guy: I don’t call myself an alcoholic any more. I find it really hard to separate out my shit like that.
–Washington Square South
Woman: I think I’m just going to stay in and have a heroin night.
–11th & University
20-something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
Former Broadway ingenue: He injects silicone into his penis and testicles. He has for years.
–A‑list Broadway party
Overheard by: kgrahams
Wannabe policy maker: They should have umbrella exchange centers. You know, like needle exchanges.
–Washington Square South
Overheard by: Lacey
Dad: You want to get arrested? Brian, put those syringes down. If you want to get high, go outside and find some mothafucka on the street.
–Emergency room, Beth Israel
Overheard by: Coughing in the Ghetto Israel
Ditz: I love hepatitis shots!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Salmon Slap
Hipster chick on cell: Yeah, you should probably get a rabies shot for that… And a pap smear.
–Washington Square Park
Little girl to mother: I don’t wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!
–Chelsea
Woman to friend: I mean, he’s just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!
–Lafayette & Prince
Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.
–34th & 5th
Girl: And so she says, “let’s follow the cat!” So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!
–Cafeteria, Barnard College
20-something bum: Excuse me, miss, can I please have a cigarette?
Young woman smoking: Sure.
20-something bum: Thank you so much. I just took a huge hit of heroin and a cigarette after is the balls.
Young woman smoking: Well, happy trails!
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?
–Chambers &and West Broadway
Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.
–W 46th Ave
Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack!
–West 4th at Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Cory
Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin.
–Relish Bar & Grill
Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist.
–Arlene’s Grocery
Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try!
–14th St & 9th Ave
Architecture professor: You’re all nodding off. Go splash some water on your face. Methamphetamines… Go out in the hall. Have any of you tried methamphetamines?
Class: No.
Architecture professor: No? How about heroin?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Hipster #1: So she said he couldn’t get it up?
Hipster #2: Yeah, but she’s not sure if it’s just all the heroin or that he’s actually queer.
Hipster #1: But I mean, isn’t that the case for every dude from Wesleyan?
–L Train
Guy : Yeah, Portland’s great…if you’re into heroin!
–East Village
Hipster girl staring at bike locked to sign: Why would anyone steal just the front wheel of a bike?
Hipster guy: To buy heroin.
–Grand & Driggs
Overheard by: Adam
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist