What Day Do We Post Wednesday One-Liners?

Suit to security guard: Which elevator goes next door?

–1 Penn Plaza

Overheard by: Nora

Hot dog vendor: To go?

–Hot Dog Stand, 62^nd & 3^rd

Overheard by: Chrissy

Woman holding Dunkin Donuts mug to employee: Excuse me, can this mug hold cold drinks as well, or just hot ones?

–Dunkin Donuts, 76^th & York

Woman: Crepe cafe? What do they do there? (comes closer) Ohhhh, they make crepes?

–Crepe Cafe Cart, W 50^th St

Overheard by: Dianora

20-something girl to friend: What are we even walking for again?

–Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, Central Park

Laughing, genuinely amazed Columbia underclassman: Isn’t it, like, amazing, how we know what is food and what isn’t food?

–W 114^th Street b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Conductor: Next stop is…where am I?

–Uptown 1 Train

What’s Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34^th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy‑o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14^th St & 1^st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110^th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I’ve been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I’ve got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

I’ll Also Need to Inspect Your Buns Quite Thoroughly

Unwitting tourist to hot dog vendor: Can I see your sausage before I buy?
Hot dog vendor: Excuse me, hon?

–Astor Place

Doesn’t Starbucks Charge $4 for That?

Girl, touching water bottle on hot dog stand: Wow, this water is really hot!
Guy: Yeah. When you drink it, it’s basically tea without the flavor!

–51^st St & 6^th Ave

Overheard by: ThirstyEar2

I Eat Cannibals

An old lady is crossing the street with a small dachshund. As they approach Gray’s Papaya, the woman looks down and asks: Jimmy, did you say you wanted a hot dog?

–72^nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jonathan

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Always Add Up

Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don’t have short term memory loss and say, “five cars, this happens all the time.”

–Metro North

Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I’ve fucked, and have 98 kids.

–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art

Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?

–33^rd St & 8^th Ave

Overheard by: Erika

Angry man on cell: Don’t talk to me like that! I’ll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!

–45^th St & 8^th Ave

Overheard by: Native Ear

Does a Wednesday One-Liner Shit in the Woods?

Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a “cuddly wuddly bear” and doesn’t go out with you?

–The Village

Overheard by: Greene

Hobo: Hey there, folks! I’m Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick?

–Gray’s Papaya

Overheard by: Zach

Woman on cell: I’m glad the evil bear didn’t kill you in your sleep!

–113^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear!

–Tick-Tock Diner

Outraged girl on cell: She’s anti-polar bear?

–NYU Campus

Overheard by: nina

And the Day Is Young

Guy in line for hot dog: Oh, so you’re pregnant?
Woman in line (looks at stomach): Nope, just fat.

–Hot Dog Vendor near WTC

Overheard by: JB

Anything in the Middle of Nowhere Counts As ‘Down South’

Haitian worker #1: Yo, no offense, but that’s what I don’t like about black girls.
Haitian worker #2: Yeah…
Haitian worker #1: You gotta find yourself a good white girl. And not just one from, like, Baltimore, ’cause they mad ghetto. You gotta find a good white girl from, like, Indianapolis, You know, down South.

–Gray’s Papaya, Chelsea

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42^nd St, between 7^th & 8^th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26^th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114^th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Hot dog stands’ Category