Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

Not Even the Women’s Studies Professor Is Safe From Gina and Ashley’s Critique

Student #1: I don’t know why that bitch has such a big ego, she’s fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she’s Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She’s probably getting fucked by some loser.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: kapnasty

Headline by: Leema

Runners-Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” — LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” — Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” — PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” — john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” — Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” — someday, I could be that loser

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

…And Potentially Fuck You?

Skater: Come on. Hang out.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Fuck you! You’re a fag! You’d rather hang with your loser friends in this fucking rat hole? I would have fucked you, if you just came to Manhattan but…
Skater: C’mon hang. It’ll be cool.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Oh, fuck this. I’m taking this cab. Have fun sucking your buddy’s cock, asshole!
Skater, after watching her leave: Fucking bitch! (pauses, then asks perfect stranger) Hey, can I buy a cigarette from you?

–12th St & Bedford

Wednesday One-Liners Smell Like Victory

One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?

–R Train

Overheard by: Ferna

Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven’t been home since the show. Doesn’t that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)

–McCarren Park

Overheard by: AleKatz

Woman on cell: It smells like college!

–BrewFest, South Street Seaport

Office student: It literally smells like my ass.

–CCNY Computer Lab

Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.

–Q Train

Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn’t smell. It didn’t smell like anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: who are these people?

Oh Maybe God!

Hipster chick #1: You know the girl I was telling you about, who didn’t even know what “agnostic” means?
Hipster chick #2: Yeah. That stupid bitch!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: reverie

Headline by: Coyoty

Runners-Up:
· “Blessed Are the Stupid Bitches, for They Shall Infuriate the Self-Righteous” — Cyrious Garnetski
· “I Believe That We Can Never Know If She Is a Stupid Bitch or Not.” — Hysterical Woman
· “I Hope She Burns In… Nothingness” — Meg
· “To Be Precise, She Said There Was No Way to Know What Agnostic Means” — Barry P.
· “Why Nuns Have Few Friends” — seven5suited

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m serious, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.

–Brooklyn

Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin’ all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowling Green Station

Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Even the Pope masturbates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!

–Outside Starbucks

Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what’s the problem with that?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert G.

Probably at His Krispy Kreme Office

Lawyer guy: Don’t worry about that, ma’am. We’re gonna make sure you don’t have to worry about money for a long, long time.
Hobo: Shit, you got some money? Let me hold a million dollars.
Lawyer guy: Ha, ha, ha! No thank you, sir.
Hobo: You ain’t shit, nigga. Fuck you and your gay-ass hair. Where were you when I broke my leg, Mista Lawya?

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton & Nassau

Overheard by: Matt M

Dude, You’d Steal the One-Liners Off a Wednesday

One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he’s lookin’ at me like he ain’t never seen nobody stealin’ before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls’ shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he’d go steal it for me. That’s what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM