Mom: You wanna play with my iPod? I put your favorite Bieber songs on there.
Three-year-old: He not my favorite anymore.
Mom: He’s not? How come?
Three-year-old: Mommy, he’s just a white boy from Canada.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: not a belieber
Archive for the ‘iPod’ Category
The Only Way to Really Feel the Bass
Old man to young woman with iPod and earbuds in hand: You could probably hear the music better if you put those in your ears.
Young woman: Shove it up your ass.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: KatieL
Her Sister Reports Directly to the Vice President
Eleven-year-old girl, listening to iPod: Ok, so I can’t listen to any high school music, right?
Her nine-year-old sister: Yeah.
Eleven-year-old girl: Ok, just making sure.
–Metro-North, Harlem Line
Overheard by: jenny’s hero
Oh Wait a Minute, I Think She’s Having a Seizure
Girl: See that lady over there? She’s like…orgasming to her iPod.
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: No, seriously. She’s so funny to watch. Who the fuck orgasms to a song?
Guy: I’d orgasm to a good song.
Girl: Yeah? What’s a good song?
Guy: That one by Nine Inch Nails. Something like “I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.”
(little boy observing animals stares, puzzled)
–Central Park Zoo
That’s Because Her Spot is Front and Center
Man #1: I love my iPod. If it were a woman, I’d marry it.
Man #2: You’ve got some serious issues, man.
–Jane Street Coffee Shop
I Gave Him My Best Parker Posey Lip Curl and Left the Train
Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’
–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl
Just the Ear Buds
JAP #1: I think I’m going to break up with him. He really has, like, no money.
JAP #2: Really?
JAP #1: Yeah. He, like, doesn’t even have an iPod.
–116th & Broadway
“…that’s 3 more gigs!”
Woman on cell: Oh yeah, I got the iPod, but he got the dog.
–Park & 57th
Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts
Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I’m on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn’t want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I’m pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.
–W Houston
Overheard by: Let’s face it, we were all new at one point.
40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I’m incredibly happy, but I’m not aware of how happy I am.
–81st & Madison
Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that’s when you’re going to want to have a Visa card.
–Stanton & Christie
Overheard by: Ross
Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don’t want Pad Thai! I want sushi!
–Dice Thai, Prospect Park
Overheard by: I’ll take sushi too but you’re payin’, kid
Sniff, Sniff. It Stinks of Bitch Up in Here
Chick #1: One of my earphones on my iPod is completely busted.
Chick #2: Why? Do you listen to it really loud?
Chick #1: Yeah, on the subway. I try to drown out the noise.
Chick #2: I wish they made iPods for the nose so you could drown out the smell.
–Life Cafe Nine 83, Bushwick
Overheard by: Courtney C
