Very drunk suit: Hey, bartender! Do you know what a car bomb is?
Irish bartender: Yes, it’s Spanish for, ‘you’re an asshole.’
–3rd Ave
Archive for the ‘Irish’ Category
And Is Lucky the Leprechaun a Prima Donna in Real Life?
(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.
–E 77th St
I Thought That Was Self-Pity
Asian girl: If you had a dick, do you think it would be big? I think mine would be big.
Irish girl: You’re, like, four-foot-eleven! How big could it be?
Asian girl: Oh, it would be big. What about you? Would your dick be big?
Irish girl: No.
Asian girl: But you’re tall! And you have big feet!
Irish girl: It’s the Irish curse.
–4th & 8th
Overheard by: knows what she means
I Always End Up Humping Lamp Posts, to Be on the Safe Side
Drunk dude: Were you in the parade just now?
Old Irish guy: You bet.
Drunk dude: That’s awesome. It seemed even more fun than the gay pride parade. But that one always freaks me out because I never know which transvestites it’s okay for me to be attracted to.
–4 train
Overheard by: Dan
Wednesday One-Liners’ Middle Name Is Ralph, As in Puke
Subway announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that there is no V train service on the weekends… That’s V as in ‘vomit.’
–57th St station
Overheard by: heroine in iniquity
Gotti-looking girl: Yeah, and I wasn’t having a good time so she was like, ‘Why didn’t you just get drunk and throw up on him?’ and I was like, ‘Because I’m not gonna stoop to his level. I’ll just have someone break his legs.’
–LIRR Hicksville
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: No fighting, no throwing up.
–LIRR train
Overheard by: Kristen
Drunk frat boy: Yo, man, what’s your poison tonight? What do you feel like tasting on the way up, bro? Do you want a puke jager? Do you want a puke jager?
–PATH to Christopher St
Metal guy to friend: I’m tellin’ you, if you gotta throw up you can’t beat pancakes and syrup.
–Burger King, 34th St
Overheard by: Glad I was done eating
Irish girl: It was a great night! No one peed in the shower, no one puked in their purse… None of that ever happened!
–168th & Ft Washington Ave
Just be sure you don’t give her The Baby
Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peaches last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck.
Headline by: International Man of Leisure
Runners-Up:
· “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” — brian brinegar
· “And also, presumably, the cream” — lauren
· “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” — Drewster
· “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” — Rod W
· “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” — janine
