Meathead: That’s the type of woman I want to marry. I’ll bend her over, then we can have hairy Aryan babies and eat hummus together. God, what I wouldn’t do to her!
Pleased girl with him: You know, I’m really glad I decided to invite you instead of Joe!
Cedar Point
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: Ckiska
Jock: Wait… Are you talking about Kim? I thought she was dating that guy.
Bimbette: Oh, you mean Fuck-face?
Jock: Yeah.
Bimbette: No, that’s over.
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Jock: Diversity is an old, old wooden ship.
Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Ship’s Captain
Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you…
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she’s crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something’s wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Sam
Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer
Field hockey jockette: And then I said, “at least you didn't get gonorrhea!”
Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: reading in the lounge
Jock #1: Yo! I've grown accustomed to your face!
Jock #2: Word!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Football player to another: Fuck you, dude. These are spirit fingers, and these are jazz hands!
University of Colorado
Denver, Colorado
College jock: Girls suck. I would so be your gay lover if it weren’t for the whole butt-sex thing.
Scrawny friend: Me too, man.
Davis, California
