Little girl: But Daddy! I thought the store was the other way.
Dad: Well, that’s why you’re not leading this little expedition, now isn’t it?
–Park & 26th
Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category
And Nobody’s Getting a Library Card on My Watch
Lady #1: I wonder what that kid over there is reading.
Lady #2: God, if my kid read I’d kill it.
Lady #1: Amy!*
Lady #2: Seriously, I’m never buying my kids books.
–Yankee Stadium
Conspiracy to Commit Ignorance
12-year-old kid: Shit, man, dem niggas isn’t shit.
Friend: Mmm-hm.
12-year-old kid: Shit, man… Man, I kill bofth dem niggas!
Friend: Mmm-hm, and I’d do it witcha.
12-year-old kid: Mmm-hm.
–188th & Hoffman, Bronx
Overheard by: why do i go to school in the Bronx?
But They Serve Lunch on Pitchforks
Little girl: Mommy, I don’t want to go to that camp. They worship the devil there.
Mom: Oh, no, that’s just a silly song. Every camp has something silly like that that they do.
Little girl: But Mommy, they sing a song that goes, ‘I love the devil.‘
Mom: When you get there you’ll see it’s just a funny game. All kids like to play little games like that.
–Union Square
It’s the Only Way to Make Law and Order: SVU Bearable
Eight-year-old girl with babysitter seeing mom on the street: Mommy, why do you smell like alcohol?
Mom: Because it’s Tuesday, sweetie.
–Franklin & Broadway
Overheard by: Carleesto
At the Back of the Store, Dad Made a Few Quick Purchases
Little kid pointing to box truck: Store!
Dad: Yes, that’s right. That’s a store.
–6th St, between Ave A & Ave B
Overheard by: epsd101
Wednesday One-Liners, Plus Puerto Rico
Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said “Come on, Mr California!” and I was like: “Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!”
–G Train
Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame
Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.
–Tram to Roosevelt Island
Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!
–38th & 2nd Ave
Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.
–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.
Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.
–43rd St between Madison & 5th
Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.
–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch
Overheard by: Jason
Possibly a Reverse Cowgirl
Little boy: Are you from Florida?
Southern man: No, Tennessee, why?
Little boy: You sound like a cowgirl.
Southern man: I really don’t think Florida has any cowgirls.
Little boy: Well, you still sound like one.
–Nelson Ave & 168th St
He Would Get the Last Laugh in Ebonics Scrabble Later That Night
Thuggish 12-year-old kid: I can so beat you at UNO.
Thuggish 10-year-old brother: Fuck you.
–L Train
But He Has Become Invisible to Most People
Drunk hobo, singing: Put a little money in the hat!
Six-year-old boy to mom: Don’t hats come with a bunny?
Mom: He asked for money, not a bunny. He’s a panhandler, not a magician.
–Canal St station
Overheard by: Thumper
