Judge, at conclusion of trial: Well, I must say I was very impressed with the quality of the attorneys for both sides. It’s extremely unusual and refreshing to see attorneys acting like lawyers.
Attorney: I would suggest, your honor, that it would be more accurate to say that it is unusual and refreshing to see attorneys not acting like lawyers.
Judge: Point well taken.
–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica
Overheard by: Big Larry
Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917 – 480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.
–Supreme Court Building
Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn’t have to sleep with someone to find out if he’s going to call you back.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won’t be home for dinner!
–F Train
Overheard by: Staying on the F
Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don’t know how to use one of those.
–School, Lower Manhattan
Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e‑mail, don’t even call me. I don’t want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?
–Columbus Circle
Law professor: Sometimes you just want to tell your client, “Wake the fuck up!”
–NYU Law School
Law student on cell: Well, it’s hard to locate them, since I don’t know who they are.
–Columbia Law School
Overheard by: arctinus
Older looking woman on cell: No, don’t fight him, Henry. We’re Jewish. God gave us lawyers for a reason.
–42nd & Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Awesome judge: If you do not have a basic understanding of the English language, you will not be able to serve. If you cannot understand what I’m saying, please come up now. Now, two translators will translate what I just said. If you understood what I said, obviously don’t come up here.
–Supreme Court Building
Suit to girl: You must be a lawyer. (pause) Or a cunt.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: How did he know?
Thug: Don’t say anything to her! Don’t you know anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law?
–132nd & St. Nicholas
Drunk lawyer on phone: Yeah! I convict rape victims.
–Outside Shea Stadium
Queer #1: Whatcha reading?
Queer #2: Jessica Simpson’s suing someone.
Queer #3: Let me see.
Queer #2 passes over a folder.
Queer #1: What? No pictures?
Queer #2: It’s a lawsuit; there are no pictures in a lawsuit.
–Hampton Jitney
Overheard by: Todd
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist