Girl #1: You got some yarn?
Girl #2: Fuck yeah, I got some motherfucking yarn! I pulling out my needles, niggas being all, “Damn, she crocheting and shit!” Ain’t nobody doing it before I been doing it.
Girl #3: I got mine.
Girl #2: Holla.
–A train
Overheard by: Andy Hobin
Middle-aged female employee: What are you going to do while I’m gone?
Young male employee: I dunno — whatever Batman does when Alfred’s not around.
–Wendy’s, 33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Girl #1: What did you do last night?
Girl #2: Wandered around Goldman Sachs with a Sesame Street pillow. You?
Girl #1: Um…
–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Bland middle-aged woman: It’s not like you’re giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
English tourist: You’ll go home and people will ask: “So what did you do on holiday?” You’ll reply: “Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!”
–34th St
Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don’t you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!
–34th Street
Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.
–8th Ave & 53rd St
Guy on cell: Is that the guy that’s been sucking your dick?
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kelley
Young guy on cell: And then I said: “I could really use a blowjob right now.” She was offended!
–48th & Park
Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn’t make her Oprah Winfrey.
–B48 Bus
Middle aged guy: I keep getting injured at concerts.
Friend: You do?
Middle aged guy: Yeah, like, when I fell off the stage at Girl Talk… Well, more like I got pushed.
–E Houston & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: BenRC
Chick: Hey, I know what will make you feel better.
Sad girl: What’s that?
Chick: Want to go through the dorms and poke holes in all of the free condoms?
Sad girl: Ehhh.
–NYU
Little tourist kid: Daddy, I want to go ice skating!
Tourist dad: I swear to god, you can go ice skating back in El Paso!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: liag
NYU chica: It’s like, I don’t really like my classes, and I don’t really like the city, but I really love–
NYU chico, simultaneously with chica: –Rollerblading.
–NYU Silver Center
Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I’ll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you’ll get your passport back in two weeks.
–Post Office, Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Lazarus
Barely legal girl: Can we do brunch tomorrow?
Guy: Sure.
Barely legal girl: Good. I like having Saturday plans. I get sad on weekends if I don’t wake up in someone else’s bed or have plans.
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Bar Keep
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist