Black lady, screaming: Hold the train, hold the train!
Conductor: Why are you screaming at me?
Black lady, stopped and staring at him: I want you to hold the door so it doesn’t hit me.
Conductor: Just get on the train
Black lady: Hold the door!
Conductor: Shut up and get on the train, God I’m going to hang myself.
–A train, 59th St
Black chick: What’d bring me to? Once you seen Queen Latifah you don’t need to see this shit.
Black guy: I’m tryin’ to fill you with some culture.
Black chick: Why don’t you fill my closet with Prada?
–Ambassador Theatre, West 49th Street
Guy: We thought Cecile got the Burberry print ad.
Girl: Yeah, if she got it I was going to manage her career.
Guy: It was up between her and another dog, but I guess she lost.
–Bread Tribeca, Church Street
Overheard by: Jaysen Medhurst
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
Office thug #1: Yo, Windows is, like, mad-retarded!
Office thug #2: Say what?
Office thug #1: I said Windows is bullshit, man.
Office thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way better than whatever computer you got.
Office thug #1: Nigga, my laptop has AIDS!
–52nd St & Madison
Queer: Where does Dusty work?
Girl: At a church by Spring Street.
Queer: What does he do?
Girl: He’s an administrative assistant.
Queer: An administrative assistant to God?
–Union Square
Girl: … so dogs were getting electrocuted and they kept telling people to put boots on their dogs–
Guy: What is with these New Yorkers and their dogs? If you want a creature that badly, have a child!
Girl: You are an idiot.
–110th & Amsterdam
Hobo: Where the fuck is Park Avenue? What is going on? What the fuck? Where the fuck is Park Avenue?
Girl: If you just take a right at the next street and keep going, you’ll hit it.
Hobo: I don’t fucking care! If I had a gun I’d fucking shoot you! Pow!
–87th & 2nd
Little girl: What’s that, mommy?
She points to double-decker site-seeing tourist bus.
Mom: That’s what the tourists use to look at us.
–46 & 8th
An unofficial memorial is covered with flowers, candles, cards and candy.
Drunk girl #1: Hey, who wants a Blow Pop?
Drunk guy: Um…I dunno.
Drunk girl #2: Don’t. It’s bad luck to take candy from the dead.
Drunk girl #1: …Yeah, I guess you’re right.
–3rd between A & B
Overheard by: The Vouk
Girl: Don’t die while I’m gone, okay?
Guy: Why not?
–66th & Columbus
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist