Meathead #1: I hate Union Square. There is too many of those…what do you call ’em, beatniks?
Meathead #2: You mean yuppies?
Meathead #1: Yeah, that’s it.
–53rd & Broadway
Archive for the ‘Meatheads’ Category
You Can’t Say the Catholic Church Isn’t Trying
Meathead Yankees fan #1: Hey, did you know I got a tattoo? (shows friend tattoo)
Meathead Yankees fan #2: No, man! When did you get it?
Meathead Yankees fan #1: A while ago. I was actually on my way to Pep Boys, and I stopped in a shop, and came out with a tattoo.
–A Train
Overheard by: Traczie
Where They Make Us Take a Refresher Course on Ethnic Stereotypes Biannually
Muscular mook with sweet tribal tattoo, driving Toyota Tundra, yelling on cell: Someone stole my fucking knapsack! It had my fucking Merrill’s. My Sperry’s. If I see someone wearing Sperry’s, I will fucking crush them.
Tajikistani cab driver: That is the bad kind of Italian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.
–53rd & 9th Ave
This Is a Parka
Nerdy, middle-aged Jewish man: Um, you’re dripping on me.
Middle-aged jock: No, I’m not.
Nerdy, middle-aged Jewish man: Yes, it’s from your windbreaker.
Middle-aged jock: You moron. You fucking moron.
–1 train, UWS
Overheard by: Beth
Editor’s Notes: Less Smiting; More Compelling Central Character
Jock #1: If I give you a book, will you read it?
Jock #2: Yeah. What’s the title?
Jock #1: It’s called The New Testament.
Jock #2: Man, I had to read the old version for class…
–Fordham University
Overheard by: jack
New York Women Know They’re Beautiful
Techie in suit: I mean, there are two reasons. A: it’s better.
Meathead friend: Uh-huh.
Techie: A: it’s warmer.
Meathead: Uh-huh.
Techie: B: the women there are much more receptive to thinly veiled suggestion.
Meathead: Uh…
Techie: What I mean by that is that they have low self esteem. I do my best work with low self esteem.
–14th St & 8th Ave Subway Station
Overheard by: Rebecca
Tell Me Your Name and We’ll Go from There
Meathead #1: I am so getting my dick sucked by the end of the day.
Meathead #2: I’ll make sure of it, dude.
Meathead #1: (silence)
–Grand Central
Overheard by: DrNels
WOLing Me Softly
Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know.
–West Village
(20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you.
–1 Train
Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead.
–42nd & Lex
Overheard by: bildita
Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone.
–Smith & Wollensky
Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck?
–96th & Madison
Overheard by: grateful undead
Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama!
–125th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: The Drummey
Homo Enough to Wanna Get Railed?
Meathead to friend: Yo, you ever ride the monorail from here? It goes from Jamaica to da airports, it’s a pretty cool trip just to see. We should take it quick, you wanna?
Friend: Yo, bro, we’re on a train, you want me to detour all the way to JFK so you can ride the fucking monorail? Yo, how homo are you?
–LIRR
Overheard by: rick
It’s Always Gonna Be a Woman’s Issue
Chick: She’s gonna have to run here… It closes at eight.
Meathead: Oh, but that bitch can run! I saw her running for birth control one time, and she fucking ran faster than me.
–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU
