Drunk hobo, singing: Put a little money in the hat!
Six-year-old boy to mom: Don’t hats come with a bunny?
Mom: He asked for money, not a bunny. He’s a panhandler, not a magician.
–Canal St station
Overheard by: Thumper
Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category
God, Poor People Are So Bad at Physics
B&T daughter: Let’s move to the front, we still have eight minutes.
B&T mother: Oh my god, are we moving?!
Random guy: Uh, that’s the other train that’s moving.
–LIRR Train
Isn’t This an at-Home Conversation?
Little girl, squeezing mom’s breast: Mom, what are these for?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: Mom, did I suck on them when I was littler?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: You know, Mom, like a cow? [Bends over and pretends to drink.]Mom: Like a cow?
Little girl: Yeah, did I milk you like a cow?
–N train
Wednesday One-Liners Tartare
Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium-rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn’t.
–6 Train
Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding
B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.
–80 Pine St
Overheard by: It’s me
Stroller-pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze-dried meat.
–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Morning Glory
NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: evanescent
Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it’s like a sausage.
–NYU Classroom
Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Murphy
We’ll Have to Cross-Reference the Security Footage
Middle-aged woman, dressed like a pre-teen: I’m not really sure how it happened but I think I ended up drunk and half-naked on the 5th floor of Macy’s.
Teenage daughter: Really?
Middle-aged woman: Maybe it was the 6th floor. Shoot, and that was gonna be a good story to tell Jeannie.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Nikki
If Your Father Hadn’t Slapped Me, You Wouldn’t Have Been Born
Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Isn’t it cute?
Really old woman: Ewww! No!
She slaps her daughter’s wrist.
Really old woman: It’s ugly! That color! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You didn’t have to slap me.
Really old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!
–Lord and Taylor
Wednesday One-Liners Keep It in the Family
Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Daniel
Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?
–76th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sonny
Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.
–NYU Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Maria
Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Wemily
It Looks Like This Very Train Car, Neo
Litte girl: Why do they always do that?
Mother: Because they don’t think outside the box.
Little girl, after a pause: What does the box look like?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo
A Velociraptor? Bad Idea.
Whining young boy: I can handle it!
Stern mother: We have a dying hermit crab at home. You cannot handle it.
Whining young boy: But I’ll feed it every day!
–3rd Ave & 16th Str
Wednesday One-Liners Have a Big Endowment
Girl: We can’t become gay just to fit in at this school!
–NYU
Passer-by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.
–NYU, Tisch
Overheard by: Dan Lurie
NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.
–NYU Dorm
NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I’m a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??
–8th & University
Overheard by: Melissa Perez
Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who’s going to judge me? There’s like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Mother, pushing crying two-year-old in stroller: They’re never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!
–NYU Admissions
Overheard by: Sam
