Girl #1: Michael Jackson is dead? Really?
Girl #2: Yeah, we read it on TMZ. They’re usually pretty good about knowing when people are dead.
–The Mill
Archive for the ‘News’ Category
I Feel Sorry for the Poor Bitch
Girl: Did you hear about that new dog they’re breeding? It’s called
a pewgle.
Guy: What kinda dog is that?
Girl: Oh, it’s a pug and um…um…a bugle.
–Deli, 53rd & 6th
Overheard by: Janelle F
Believe Everything You (Over)hear
Guy #1: Dude, did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger died in a car crash?
Guy #2: No way! That’s not true, is it?
Guy #1: I dunno. I am asking you.
–F train
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
From the Whitney Houston Collection
Queer eye: Lindsay Lohan wore this dress on the cover of Teen Vogue; ever since then, it’s been like…crack cocaine.
–Marc Jacobs, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Mat Triebner
Why Do You Need The Paper If You’ve Got The News?
Dude: Hey, these papers are free, right?
Checkout Guy: No, they’re 50 cents.
Dude: But it’s Saturday.
Checkout Guy: Right. And it’s still 50 cents.
Dude: Aw, c’mon man! The Pope is dying!
–Food Emporium, 12th & 6th
Overheard by: MLR
And a Fuel Injection System
Hipster boy to girl: After the internet age and the digital age, we are now entering the cyborg age.
Hipster girl to boy: Yeah, cyborgs are totally mainstream now. I saw a special on Fox News all about cyborgs and it was totally mainstream.
Hipster boy to girl: My brother has an insulin pump.
–F Train Platform
Overheard by: sadie
It’s Becoming Like the Ganges
Guy #1: Dude, did you hear? Another helicopter crashed into the East River.
Guy #2: Man, that would suck. The East River is just dirty and nasty.
Guy #1: Shit yeah. It’s full of floatin’ helicopters.
–2 train
Wednesday One-Liners Call Themselves “Publicists”
Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: George Carstocea
Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later.
–Outside Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Mrs. Met
Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Punkgrrl
Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there?
–Rockefeller Center
Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock!
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ashley
Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.]
–33rd & 7th
Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!
–Times Square
The First Hit’s Always Free
[On Ash Wednesday]Female pastor: Come get ashy for Jesus, no credit, bad credit, God don’t care. Come get your blessing! Free Jesus with all ash.
Daily newspaper hawker: Daily News, 50 cents, Jesus for free!
–Fordham Rd & Jerome Ave
WEDNESDAY ONE-LINERS
Cab driver: Jersey, Jersey! What are you doing in New York? Do we go to Jersey? No!…unless we have to go to the Great Adventure.
–Taxi, 23rd & 7th
NY Post guy: Extra! Extra! Read all about it…Charlie Tuna, he’s dead! The Gorton’s Fisherman, he died too. Read it all today!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Allison
Barker: Tonight only! Special deal! A free game for White people! All Caucasians, one free game!
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Drew
Black guy: ’bout time y’all write tickets downtown. I thought y’all only did that shit up in Harlem!
–4th & Bowery
Overheard by: Emily McCombs
Cabbie: …and those Asians, they are the worst of all. They can’t see. They have no peripheral vision. They’ve got rice in their eyes!
–Taxi, Sullivan Street
