Sober chick: Hey, c’mon, let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.
Tipsy chick: Okay… [Closes shirt.] Tell me if you see a nipple, ’cause that would just be awkward.
Sober chick: Of course.
–Spring & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Wear A Bra
Archive for the ‘Nipples’ Category
Go Smut Surfing and Leave Us Alone About It
Immature boy complaining about health video: Why is it that they put those mosaic blurry thingies on the nipples and show everything else?
Asian girl trying to do homework: God, you horny bastard!
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: stop asking about bra sizes
I’ll Ask Again, Using the Words “Nother” and “Mipple”
Girl: Ew! I don’t want to hear the words ‘mother’ and ‘nipple’ in the same sentence!
Friend: What? It’s a legitimate question.
–Queens-bound R train
Overheard by: spacegirl
All Three Of Them.
Guy #1: Dude, what’s with the hot water?
Guy #2 (with pierced nipples): My nipples like steaming hot water. That’s how they roll.
–NYU Palladium
Overheard by: Zacharia
Jason Was a Final-Round Draft Pick for the Other Team
Dude: So I finally saw Lisa’s* tits. Good stuff, man.
Friend: Yeah? Are they big?
Dude: Not at all. But it’s better that way. A handful is enough.
Friend: So it’s like nuts?
Dude: What the fuck?
Friend: No! I mean they say a handful of nuts is enough protein for the day! That came out totally wrong!
Dude: Whatever you say…Tinkerbell.
–67th & Columbus
Nina Was Happy ’til Pinta and Santa Maria Sailed Into the Party
Guy: Where did everyone go?
Girl: They’re all in the bedroom looking at Nina’s breasts.
Guy: Again? Well, I guess it’s not really a party until Nina’s boobs make an appearance.
Loud girl’s voice from bedroom: Oh my god, Nina, your nipples are perfect!
–East Village
Are Your Wednesday One-Liners Tingling?
Professor: So, let’s return to the topic of male nipples for a moment.
–Sophomore seminar, Bard High School Early College
JAP on cell: … So I picked up and was like, ‘Hello?’ and she was all, ‘Come on, we’re going to get our nipples pierced.’ And I was like, ‘Oh. Um, okay.’
–49th & 7th
Biker chick: You don’t understand! You don’t understand that I can’t feel my nipples right now!
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Gemma
Tough guy to another: We all bang. We love each other. So what if I pinched your nipples?! What’s the big deal? I pinched your nipples!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Jim Conroy
Girl on cell: At the gallery, a woman offered me her nipple covers. She was like, ‘Hey, do you want my nipple covers?’ … Yeah, it’s been that kind of day.
–Stuyvesant Town
She Misunderstood ‘Underwire Bra’
Girl #1: My nipples are really sore and I don’t know why.
Girl #2: Did you ever think that they might hurt because of the pieces of metal you’ve stapled through them?
–110th St
Overheard by: Not stapled
Someone’s Been Reading Men’s Health
Little boy: I have a six pack.
Little girl: What does that mean?
Little boy: It means I have big nipples.
–Broadway & 108th
He’s Got No Teeth — What’s the Worst That Could Happen?
Mom about baby crying in stroller: Ugh, I gotta go feed him.
Friend: You want me to do it?
Mom: Um, I breastfeed.
Friend: I could give it a whirl.
–Washington Square Park
