Mom about baby crying in stroller: Ugh, I gotta go feed him.
Friend: You want me to do it?
Mom: Um, I breastfeed.
Friend: I could give it a whirl.
–Washington Square Park
Archive for the ‘Nipples’ Category
Ears Are for Hearing. Nipples Are for Piercing
Girl #1: You never wear earrings.
Girl #2: You’re very observant.
Girl #1: But that’s why we have ears, to get them pierced.
Girl #2: No, we have ears so we can hear.
Girl #1: Wait, you make no sense.
–E 16th & Ave U, Sheepshead Bay
He’ll Grow into Them
Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.
–NJ Transit train
Kyle Gets Payback for Mom’s Gaydar Remark
Five-year-old boy: I have nipples! Look! I have nipples!
Mother: Yes, you do.
Five-year-old boy: I have breasts!
Mother: No, boys don’t have breasts.
Five-year-old boy: Neither do you!
–Old Navy, Chelsea
Let Alone Travel Down My Birth Canal
Girl #1: And how old is her boy now?
Girl #2: Uh… I dunno, one year old ‑maybe older?
Girl #1, in shock and disgust: And she still breast-feedin’ him?! That crazy ho!
Girl #2, definitively: Yeah, I ain’t lettin’ no lil’ man put teeth on my nipple!
–53rd & 6th Ave
Overheard by: SA
How Does a Conversation Begin “People at the Circus Hide Their Nipples”?
Son #1: People at the circus hide their nipples.
Son #2: What about the three-nippled man?
Son #1: He shows his one at a time.
Son #2: So how can you be sure he isn’t playing three nipple Monte?
–71st Ave
Overheard by: RAS
It Makes Me Horny. You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Horny
Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you’re right! I didn’t even think of her.
Straight girl: I don’t know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini’s tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?!
–N Train
Wednesdays Rogaine Their One-Liners
Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuckable hair! Fuckable hair!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?
–52nd St & 6th Ave
Ghetto woman to another: Why he be mooning everyone with that hairy ass?
–53rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tommy a
Man to friend: I’m Mexican, man; I was *born* with a mustache.
–Grand & Orchard
Girl, enunciatively: I support chest hair!
–Hell’s Kitchen
Overheard by: DI
Good Thing Grandma’s in a Coma or She’d Never Get a Boyfriend!
Girl #1: I just wanted to scream at her to put on a goddamn bra and shave her fucking armpits!
Girl #2: Oh my god, I know. I mean, it’s not like she has much there… But it’s something and you gotta cover those puppies up.
–Greenwich Village
Headline by: RaRa
Runners-Up:
· “And the Way She Was Holding Baby Jesus – ROTFL” — ddv
· “I Mean, You’d Think She’d WANT to Look Good at Her Own Communion!” — RaRa
· “Joan and Melissa Rivers’ Commentary at the Bronx Zoo” — allison
· “Or Carry Them in a Bag Like a Celebrity” — Andrew
· “Where Have All the Paula Cole’s Gone?” — chubba
· “Yeah, But Jagged Little Pill Was Such a Great Album” — blistexaddict
· “You’d Think by the Age Of 8, She’d Get That!” — MalG
There’s Plenty of Amateur Farmers Around to Help
Girl #1: Oh my God, look at that lady.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Titty drip!
Girl #2: Oh my God. Go home and milk yourself.
–19th & 5th
