Office thug #1: Yo, Windows is, like, mad-retarded!
Office thug #2: Say what?
Office thug #1: I said Windows is bullshit, man.
Office thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way better than whatever computer you got.
Office thug #1: Nigga, my laptop has AIDS!
–52nd St & Madison
Girl: …he had a tattoo of a tornado on his ring finger to remind himself never to get married again.
–Midtown elevator
Hobo: Try a squirrel. Tastes like steak!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: prairie squid
Guy #1: I’m not a very social person.
Guy #2: Join the club.
–Office, 29th & 7th
Coloring kindergartner #1: Some animals have poison in them.
Coloring kindergartner #2, looking worried: Like kittens?
–Community Center Office
Guy #1: Uno mas.
Guy #2: Huh?
Guy #1: Uno mas means once more. Don’t they speak Mexican in Michigan?
Guy #2: Hell no.
–Office, West 28th Street
Young woman: How many children do you have?
Old woman: Two… well, I had three, but one moved to Florida.
–Doctor’s office, 166 E. 63rd
Woman #1: Oooh, I really like the smell of whatever you’re eating or wearing. What is that?
Woman #2: A cough drop.
Woman #1: What kind?
Woman #2: Hall’s.
Woman #1: Oooh, that’s really nice.
–Elevator, McCann Erickson office
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
Woman: How dare you?! How dare you?! How can you say that? How can you tell my child I don’t love him? Apologize! Apologize!
Man: It’s a dog.
Woman: How dare you?! Apologize right now!
–Tower Records, E 4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Exasperated woman on phone: It’s a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?
–Office Building, 32nd & 7th
Overheard by: erkala
Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!
–Toys R’ Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.
–Canal Street
Hobo: But I don’t want to love my breasts!
–Ave B
Man on cell: So you’re coming to New York? That’s good. I called your mother, she said you’re staying with some girl with big tits tonight.
–West 4th Street
Guy to another, while at lunch: I don’t care if you think I live too fast and I’ll be dead at 45. At least I’ll die with a tittie in my mouth!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: sal b
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist