Overheard In New York

Prefer­ably in He­brew

13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber that you told me my Bar Mitz­vah was ter­ri­ble?
13-year-old boy #2: When did I say that? I did not say noth­ing.
13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber? You were talk­ing to Eileen and you said I made a lot of mis­takes. Don’t blame me.
13-year-old boy #2: Don’t blame you? You’re blam­ing me! This is why we can’t get to­geth­er. Now we can’t eat din­ner to­geth­er. We need con­flict res­o­lu­tion.

–Barnes & No­ble, 86th & Lex­ing­ton

The Spy Who Cleaned Up Af­ter Me

Fe­male suit: It was based on…
Male suit: James Bond!?
Fe­male suit: No. The Odd Cou­ple.

–Fi­nan­cial Dis­trict

Over­heard by: Soo close

The Sum Of All Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell: And when my broth­er got near him, his poop came out. That’s how scared he was.

–107th & Broad­way

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are re­al­ly scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark re­al­ly loud, and that’s to­tal­ly worse than them bit­ing you.

–Ma­jes­tic The­ater

Girl on cell: I went in for ge­net­ic coun­sel­ing and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Over­heard by: Todd Fletch­er

Girl on cell: No, you can’t go! I’m too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Su­per­mar­ket, As­to­ria

Con­duc­tor: Nev­er fear! The phan­tom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Over­heard by: Alex

She Does­n’t See Sex­u­al As­sault as a Cel­e­bra­tion, Like We Do

Drunk, creepy guy #1: She’s al­ways telling us about our flaws, and why she won’t get with us, but she won’t lis­ten to us tell her about her flaws!
Drunk, creepy guy #2, burn­ing his hand with a lighter: Yeah, she prob­a­bly acts the way she does be­cause she was raped, but she’s like “I don’t want to talk about it!”

–1 train