I Did­n’t Cheat on You– We Just Wednes­day One-Linered Up!

20-some­thing woman: There you are! Adam, this is Jolie. Jolie, this is Adam, the guy I hooked up with.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Over­heard by: wb

20-some­thing guy to friend: I’ll def­i­nite­ly hook up tonight. My stan­dards are pret­ty low. I on­ly re­quire them to say ‘yes’ and it’s all good.

–N Train

Over­heard by: Tr­ish M

Guy: I was kin­da sick, but I don’t think I was con­ta­gious… but I told her I was so I did­n’t have to hook up with her.

–Court & Pa­cif­ic Car­rol Gar­dens

20-some­thing girl on cell: No, on your birth­day, I hooked up with no one but you.

–1st Ave & 60th St

.….But That Was On­ly Be­cause I Drank Too Much Eggnog and Passed Out in a Pud­dle

Red-haired hip­ster: Yeah, I haven’t bathed my­self in a week, so to­day I took a show­er.
Hip­ster chick: Yeah, last time I took a show­er was on Christ­mas Eve. I guess I should bathe.

–L Train

Over­heard by: every day bather

Head­line by: antig­oth

· “God, I Hope This Was Over­heard on Christ­mas Day” — Va­syl
· “Je­sus Would Want It That Way” — Nick Turn­er
· “On the Plus Side, I’ve Dri­ven All Of the Roach­es Out Of My Apart­ment” — Kel­ly
· “Robert Pat­tin­son’s Dream Girls” — John
· “Smells Like.… Teen Spir­it?” — rose
· “Wait, Do Gold­en Show­ers Count?” — Trey Jack­son
· “Why Is There an Echo on This Train?” — Scott Eas­t­on
· “Why You Nev­er See Hip­ster Ba­bies…” — Ray

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Would Rather Be Thin and Dead

Young woman: Oh… I don’t eat din­ner any­more. That’s my new thing.

–Bloom­ing­dale’s, 59th St & Lex

Over­heard by: Emi­ly Dun­can­son

Moth­er to size‑4 daugh­ter: If you were skin­ny you’d look good in these clothes.

–Zara, Lex & 59th St

Queer: Go ahead, get dessert. You can just purge it up lat­er.

–Azul Bistro, Stan­ton St & Suf­folk St

Girl on cell: Why do you al­ways ask if I’m anorex­ic? What’s so wrong about be­ing bu­lim­ic?

–7 train

Over­heard by: Dorothy

Ana girl: Look at those kids eat­ing… Eat­ing…

–Lowes, Times Square

Over­heard by: ju­lia

Guy: Please, I did so much coke, I can fit in­to these pants.

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Queer on cell: Eat­ing dis­or­ders are healthy.

–23rd St & 8th St

Over­heard by: Al­so a Ho­mo

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hope the Build­ing Does­n’t Go Con­do

Fa­ther to young son: We’ll get an apart­ment in Ken­tucky. Then you’ll on­ly have to go to school through 6th grade.”

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Dash­ing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apart­ment bro­ker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been in­ter­est­ing. Last month Mered­ith tried to sub­let my apart­ment right out from un­der me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fi­ancé– a re­ceipt from when she got an abor­tion last sum­mer.

–10th & 1st

Over­heard by: ED

Rea­son­able cop: Even though it’s a stinkin frig­gin apart­ment, he’s got a place to put his ug­ly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Wood­side, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I be­lieve in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apart­ment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Con­duc­tor on very crowd­ed F train: Those of you with very small apart­ments will ap­pre­ci­ate them now.

–F Train

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.

Why DVD Rentals Are So Pop­u­lar

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweet­ie?
Lit­tle girl in stall: I can’t but­ton my pants.
Mom: It’s al­right. Just come on out.
Lit­tle girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.

–Bath­room, AMC The­atres, Times Square