White guy: I feel like I’m taller than everyone.
Indian girl: That’s because you are. Freak!
–Canal & Centre
But That Gear Shaft Totally Consented
Drunk middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don't think…
Drunk middle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jersey all have computers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he wasn't even doing anything!
Drunk middle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk middle-aged man #2: They said I was driving erotically.
–NJ Transit
I’m More Offended That It’s By Hamilton’s House
Two skateboard guys make as much noise as possible to get a chick’s attention. She doesn’t take the bait.
Skateboy #1: Whatever! Forget her!
Skateboy #2: Hey, baby!
She turns.
Skateboy #2: Let’s not make this into a rape thing, y’know?
–142nd & Convent
She Misses Mommy’s Heroin Years
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy!
Mother: What is it?!
Little girl: Why you gotta have an attitude?
–Cortelyou & Marlborough, Brooklyn
Overheard by: BWA
Yeah, but Jesus Loves Everyone
College girl #1: He loves you.
College girl #2: Don’t say that!
College girl #1: Why not?
College girl #2: Because I have horrible self-esteem!
–7 train
Overheard by: Phillip Roncoroni
Where Being Hung Up on Semantics Gets You
Bag lady: Don’t you call me no grandma! That ain’t right. I’m a ‘nana,’ not a ‘grandma.’
Hobo: I ain’t call you no grandma — I called you a old lady.
Bag lady: Oh, okay. Yeah, that’s right, ’cause I ain’t no grandma!
–145th & St. Nicholas Ave
Overheard by: Big Momma’s Biscuit Eater
And Can He Get Us Any Good Weed?
Teenage girl #1: Yo, I got this job application for Trader Joe's.
Teenage girl #2: What's a Trader Joe?
–Subway
Overheard by: Andrea Caroline
There's Reality, and Then There's What I'll Admit to
Park slope kid : Mommy, mommy, mommy! Can you fart?
Park slope mom, hesitant: That's not something to say on a train, sweetie. And no.
(little girls starts to throw a fit)
Park slope kid: Why not?!
–F Train
It’s a Cultural Thing
College student #1: You look tired, what have you been doing?
College student #2: I’ve just been jogging.
College student #1: Like that? Why do Chinese people always go jogging in jeans?
–Marshak Hall, City College
Overheard by: liselle boyett
The Wednesday One-liners NYC Tour Guide
Black woman: This here is Chelsea. It’s where all the rich homosexuals live.
–18th Street between 7th & 8th
Teenage kid: There are some hot Chinese bitches at this stop, son!
–Fulton Street G station
Overheard by: Thomas Bugarin
Woman: Well, I’m in Soho now…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Davis McDavis
Queer: Oh, I went to Queens once. By accident. I was coming back from La Guardia and the taxi driver said he was taking me on a shortcut.
–Starlight, Avenue A
Overheard by: Lukas
Thug: Next stop: Ghettoville, USA! That’s real America, none of this Japanese-American bullshit. Mmmm…smell that? Smells like the East Village!
–A train
Guy: This is the new Wall Street Times building.
–41st & 8th construction site
Man: See, that’s the one. If I was gonna write it a letter, I would begin, “Dear Ugliest Building in New York City”.
–Westin Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: Kayla Cagan
Guy on cell: Bond Street? It’s north of Houston Street so it’s not in Soho. But I don’t know what the neighborhood is called.
–City Hall Park