Little girl in stroller, pointing to fossil in subway wall: Look! A skeleton fish!
Mother: And what’s another name for a skeleton fish? (pause) A dinosaur!
–C Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
You Also Thought That About Abraham Lincoln
Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they’re called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.“
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Overheard by: I know what they’re called
Just Looks Like a Coffee Cup on My Desk
Non-smoker to guy offering smokes: No, thanks — I’m trying to quit.
Smoker: What do you do about the cravings?
Non-smoker: Well, when I get a craving I just dip instead.
–Wall St
Overheard by: dakota
Wednesday One-Liners for Kings County
Scholar: Brooklyn is the Paris of New York.
–Grand Army Plaza Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: ivel
Crazy: Fuck Brooklyn! I can pay for Brooklyn on any other day. Yes, that’s right — I’m a black man, and I am not going to Brooklyn. What do you know about that! And you, you’re a Jew. I’ll still pray for you. Wherever we end up, I’ll still pray for you. Fuck all you people. Except you, Jew. I love you.
–L train from 6th Ave to 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Nash Astor
Girl: I just don’t like living in Brooklyn. My place is, like, four whole blocks away from Dunkin’ Donuts.
–Tenacious D album signing, Virgin Megastore
Guy: Sobriety is my back, I am the camel, and Brooklyn is the straw.
–A/C/E subway platform, Lower West Side
Overheard by: Magaret
Lady: I like the brown eggs more than the white. Well, I have 12 at home in my fridge — it’s like Brooklyn in there.
–15th St & Union Square West
The 21st Century Equivalent Of “I Bite My Thumb at You, Sir”
13-year-old skateboarder to friends: Suck my dick!
Friend #1: I like you, you’re my friend, and I’ll invite you to my birthday party, but I won’t suck your dick.
Friend #2: You provoke me with your boner.
–A Train
Overheard by: devon
“Mommy, where do morons come from?”
Guy #1: What are you trying to do?
Guy #2: Have your babies.
Guy #1: Mad babies?
Guy #2: Mabies.
–Rubin Hall elevator, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: danie
I’m Supposed to Put This in My College Fund
Young boy #1: Today is the day your mother birthed you and you only got five dollars?
Young boy #2: We got troubles.
–Prospect Heights
Go Back to Connecticut!
WASP Lady: The train service was really nice. Not at all like the subway.
–Midtown comics
Not Having to Think Frees Up a Lot of Time for Watching Reality TV
Dude with clipboard to couple passing by: Excuse me, you two! Sign this! It’s your independent right as an American.
Guy: No, thanks. I hate rights.
Chick: Yeah, just being told what to do rocks.
Guy: Conforming is sweet.
–Bleecker St
Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Page-Turner
Woman: He read a book on fisting, and now he wants to share it with his class.
–L train
Dude: They should have made Beowulf into a book — they would have made a lot more money.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: LetheaBu
Girl: It used to be the only reason I liked Anna Quindlen was ’cause she was blind. Now it’s like, ‘Dude, she can read?!’
–Barnard College
NYU bimbette to studious friend: Your problem is that you read for all your classes. Sobriety and scholarly. Those are your problems.
–Starbucks, W 4th St
Overheard by: wine girl
Nine-year-old girl: I forgot my book, and I was supposed to do a report on it! Now what am I going to do?! I’m so senile.
–JFK
Overheard by: mr itchie
Book-hawking hobo: … And this is my new book, ‘If You Don’t Beat Your Children, They’ll End Up Like Me’!
–6 train
Overheard by: Zarek
