Man running by with dog to teenage girl: Woof!
Teenage girl to friend: He better have been talking to the dog.
–Central Park
Thanks, Scientology!
Loud teen chick: You know, whenever I saw those really loud, annoying kids on the bus, I never thought I would be one of them!
Loud friend: Yeah! Me neither!
–82nd & Broadway
Overheard by: yoncto
Rock, Dude. He’d Fucking Rock.
New wave boy: You’re like Lou Reed with a vagina.
New wave girl: Since when did he not have one?
Random stoner friend: Hey, do you want to get Indian food!?
New wave girl: What would Lou Reed do?
–2nd Ave &14th
Overheard by: Mischa
I Would Date That Rock
Comic geek: Talking kryptonite?! That was the worst thing ever!
Cute employee: Oh, yeah?
Comic geek: Yeah! A couple years ago they did a story that was narrated by Arkham Asylum. I mean, that made sense. Fuckin’ Arkham! But talking kryptonite? What the fuck is that?
Other employee: Maybe it wasn’t kryptonite. Maybe it was just a rock with green paint and low self-esteem.
–Midtown Comics, Grand Central
Think We Should Trade Pills?
Dramatic chick: You’re crazy!
Calm guy: No. That’s the problem. You’re not crazy.
–4 Train
Your Editors Assumed It Was a Marijuana Thing.
Little kid: I’m the highest reader in my class!
Dad’s friend: What, are all the kids in your class Chinese?
–The Great Lawn
Overheard by: Mariah
That’s Why She Got the Job As a DoD Intelligence Analyst
Girl #1: Why don’t you know these things?
Girl #2: Because I don’t read.
–123rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Yeah, but I Can’t Remember Who To
Dude #1: So, when did you get married?
Dude #2: I got married four weeks ago, in Vegas!
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Yeah. Apparently Elvis wasn’t wearing any underwear when he married us, and some of the guests saw Little Elvis.
Dude #1: Ugh, bummer, dude! Are you sure you’re really married?
–1 train
Overheard by: LG
Only the Resultant Brain Damage Makes It Bearable
Young male suit, about colleague getting married and moving: It’s like she’s taking this huge dive…
Young female suit: Off the high dive, into the shallow end.
–Hanover Square
Overheard by: anonanonanon
Mortal Wednesday One-Liners
Loud old lady: I pray for death every day, because if you pray for death, you will never die.
–Metro-North train
Guy giving directions to friend: I think it’s near the corner where we saw that lady get killed.
–W 32nd St, near 6th Ave
Overheard by: Personally, I would avoid that corner.
Man on cell: No, you have to hide the body.
–33rd & Madison
Overheard by: alex
Man on cell: I don’t know! He just called me up and said that I owe him 50 grand and that he’s coming to kill me… Yeah, I told him I have no idea what he’s talking about, but he said he’s coming to kill me anyway.
–77th & Broadway
Man, about his time in halfway house: Murderers are just the nicest people, you know? I mean, they really understand human suffering.
–F train
Shabby guy on cell: Why should I be the only man that never died from a piece of ass?
–55th & Madison
