Black guy: Yo, I can’t believe I turn 30 tomorrow.
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
Black guy: Like, I’ve got a family and a career! What the fuck is that all about?! What happened to my wrestling dream?!
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
–J Train
It’s a ‘Dude’ Nipple
Teen guy #1: I’m totally gonna dump Christine.
Teen guy #2: No way! She’s awesome-hot! What did she do?
Teen guy #1: Yesterday she asked me why chicken breasts don’t have nipples.
Teen guy #2: That’s nothing! Why are you gonna dump her over… Oh… She probably doesn’t know about your dud nipple.
Teen guy #1: Dude! Don’t call it that!
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: eating
Wednesday One-Liners, Mixed Messages
Chick: So, um, like, yeah. I mean, you know, I mean, well, when you think it’s right but it isn’t, you know, then it’s like, um, yeah. I don’t know what I’m saying.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Only in New York, Bridge & Tunnel Edition
Fratboy: We went to that bar once cause I heard there were lots of skanks in there. But there were no skanks! It sucked.
–outside Blue & Gold, East Village
As Required by the Amended Constitution
Man with clipboard: Do you want to change the Constitution?
Lady passerby: No.
Man with clipboard: I’ll take that as a ‘yes’!
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: Charlie
So Probably Was Just Very Tan
Black New Yorker guy and two white tourist ladies have a lengthy conversation about different places to visit in NYC.
Black guy: Okay, ladies, this is my stop. Bye!
White tourist lady #1: Bye! Have a great day! [To friend, as man departs at Astor Place] I didn’t feel threatened by him at all. He was actually a very nice man.
–6 train
I’m Just Seeing How Many Times I Can Say “Pussylips” in One Day
Roommate #1: Y’all need to cover up ’cause I can see your pussylips and that’s just not appropriate.
Roommate #2: Really?
Roommate #1: No.
–Pratt Institute
For Her, Beauty Is Only Foreskin Deep
Chick #1, pointing at man leaving: That guy’s fly was open the entire ride.
Chick #2: Wow, you’re so observant. You notice everything.
Chick #1: I’m just really superficial.
–L train
Slow: Wednesday One-Liner-Xing
Mom to seven-year-old crossing street: Be careful, dear. You don’t want to get run over or we can’t have sushi.
–78th & Amsterdam
Cute girl halting before crossing into oncoming traffic: Okay, perhaps we should not die today.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Traffic
Father to son running towards intersection: Remember! A foot in the street means a foot in your ass!
–57th & 4th, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Chick zig-zagging across street: I just cannot get down with manholes! Scary, scary manholes. I try to avoid them at all costs.
–83rd & Broadway
Bored cop on megaphone: Please walk on the sidewalk. Stop walking in the middle of the street… Stop walking in the middle of the street. Use the sidewalks… See how you’re on the black pavement? You want to be on concrete. See the cars trying to run you over? That’s ‘vehicular traffic.’ Get out of its way.
–Next to Radio City Music Hall
Boyfriend following jaywalking girlfriend: That’s illegal. [She ignores him.] That’s illegal!
–6th & 4th, Park Slope
Wednesday One-liners Are All About Location
Mom: Don’t think of it as losing a friend…but as gaining a holiday destination.
–A train
Overheard by: Clacky
