Sean De­vel­ops Eye­abetes

Stu­dent #1: Dude, she’s so frig­gin hot.
Stu­dent #2: Aren’t you mar­ried?
Stu­dent #1: Yeah, but it does­n’t hurt to look. Eye can­dy. Yum yum yum!

–New York Law School

Over­heard by: shak­ing my head at NYLS

Think of the Starv­ing Ba­by Birds in Africa

Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a sec­ond.

He leans over and throws up on the side­walk.

Guy on cell: What were you say­ing?

–59th & 5th

Over­heard by: Jeff Hub­bard

Woman #1: I wan­na get re­al­ly stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.


Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.

–Broad­way & West 4th

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Tonight, on a Very Spe­cial Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

As­tute girl to fe­male friend: Hon­est­ly, I should have re­al­ized we did­n’t stand a chance when he said that Law & Or­der: CI was bet­ter than SVU.

–Green­wich Ave & W10th

Over­heard by: al­ix­thamil­ton

Pissed drunk guy with crew cut, af­ter ex­it­ing restau­rant: Fuck! I missed Nan­cy Grace! Jeezus-Christ­mas!

–Drig­gs Ave & Broad­way, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: T. My­ers

Girl in mer­maid cos­tume: Get ob­sessed with some­thing nor­mal, like Star Trek.

–N Train

NYU gay stu­dent: I am nev­er watch­ing Ad­ven­ture Time at 4 in the morn­ing again.

–We­in­stein Hall, NYU

Over­heard by: MATH­E­MAT­I­CAL!

An­gry gangs­ta on cell: Man! That dude stole my fuck­ing mon­ey! I’­ma kill that fuck­ing nig­ga! (pause) Af­ter I go watch True Blood at mom’s. (pause) Yeah, you can come…

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: E.Major

… Ma’am

La­dy: Con­trary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teach­ing you man­ners.
Man: Fuck you.

–33rd & Park

Over­heard by: Erik

That’s Deep, Dude

Cab­bie: So, uh, you hear about the dou­ble team? The, uh, De­moc­rats?
Pas­sen­ger: Oh, so De­moc­rats got the Sen­ate, too?
Cab­bie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch pe­nis!

–North­bound 1st Ave from De­lancey

Over­heard by: dumb­struck pas­sen­gers