She’s a Ve­g­an — Pass the Cheese­cake

Girl #1: So I was think­ing about milk the oth­er day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Oth­er cows?
Girl #1: No, dum­b­ass! They eat grass! So it stands to rea­son, when you drink milk, you’re ac­tu­al­ly drink­ing liqui­fied grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drink­ing milk any­more.
Girl #1: To­tal­ly, that’s why I drink soy.

–Ve­niero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pub­lish or Per­ish

In­di­an pro­fes­sor: No, you guys fin­ish your work. Me and Nicole are go­ing to talk about the X‑Men.

–Class­room, NYU

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Re­li­gious stud­ies pro­fes­sor: Every­one, qui­et down! I’m try­ing to dis­cuss im­por­tant mat­ters here. So, pro­fes­sor Trelawney…

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Sarah R

Pro­fes­sor: I’m go­ing to sta­ple you to the wall, I’m not even go­ing to tape you!

–Co­lum­bia

State­ly, learned his­to­ry pro­fes­sor: There’s this new part of the right wing called the tea bag­gers. (class laughs) Oh, I meant the tea par­ty. I guess that shows where my mod­ern in­ter­ests are at.

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Over­heard by: Not at tea par­ty mem­ber

Sneez­ing

Teenage boy: I hope you sneeze.
Teenage girl: I hope you die.

–Down­town A Train