Dad: Do you guys want Turkish food for dinner?
Teen girl: Yeah, I’m down.
Dad: …Is that good…or bad?
–83rd & Columbus
Overheard by: Sydney
Sweetie, All Girls Your Age Are the Same Person
Girl #1: I have raisins living in my bag.
Girl #2: … We really are the same person.
–Bard High School Early College
Sean Develops Eyeabetes
Student #1: Dude, she’s so friggin hot.
Student #2: Aren’t you married?
Student #1: Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to look. Eye candy. Yum yum yum!
–New York Law School
Overheard by: shaking my head at NYLS
Think of the Starving Baby Birds in Africa
Guy on cell: Yeah…right…uh huh…hold on a second.
He leans over and throws up on the sidewalk.
Guy on cell: What were you saying?
–59th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeff Hubbard
Woman #1: I wanna get really stoned so I can throw up.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Just to know I can.
–LIRR
Girl: I want to throw up. Like, I have some puke in the back of my throat.
–Broadway & West 4th
Overheard by: Julia
Tonight, on a Very Special Wednesday One-Liners…
Astute girl to female friend: Honestly, I should have realized we didn’t stand a chance when he said that Law & Order: CI was better than SVU.
–Greenwich Ave & W10th
Overheard by: alixthamilton
Pissed drunk guy with crew cut, after exiting restaurant: Fuck! I missed Nancy Grace! Jeezus-Christmas!
–Driggs Ave & Broadway, Williamsburg
Overheard by: T. Myers
Girl in mermaid costume: Get obsessed with something normal, like Star Trek.
–N Train
NYU gay student: I am never watching Adventure Time at 4 in the morning again.
–Weinstein Hall, NYU
Overheard by: MATHEMATICAL!
Angry gangsta on cell: Man! That dude stole my fucking money! I’ma kill that fucking nigga! (pause) After I go watch True Blood at mom’s. (pause) Yeah, you can come…
–Port Authority
Overheard by: E.Major
Disclaimer: Offer Expires Once You’re Pregnant
Young black man outside barber shop: Hey, lady!
White lady, digging through her purse: Oh, hi…
Young black man, sitting and gesturing: What you digging for? My heart is right here!
–Jamaica Ave & Parsons
Overheard by: Lady Walking By
… Ma’am
Lady: Contrary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teaching you manners.
Man: Fuck you.
–33rd & Park
Overheard by: Erik
Depends on Whether I Get Everything Back
20-something girl singing: Put your cock and balls in my mouth… La-la-la.
Boyfriend: What?
20-something girl: I just think it would be fun.
–66th & 3rd
Overheard by: I wish
That’s Deep, Dude
Cabbie: So, uh, you hear about the double team? The, uh, Democrats?
Passenger: Oh, so Democrats got the Senate, too?
Cabbie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch penis!
–Northbound 1st Ave from Delancey
Overheard by: dumbstruck passengers
It’s Really More Of a Paper Product
Student #1: Is lettuce a vegetable?
Student #2: No. It’s a salad.
–24th St & Lexington
