Stand Clear of the Wednesday One-Liners, Please
Conductor: We know it’s Monday, and we’re sorry, but we still want to wish you a good week.
Overheard by: Hates Mondays
Conductor: This is the 5:50 super duper express train to Great Neck.
Overheard by: vm
Conductor: This is an uptown D train, making stops to wherever I want.
–Uptown D train
Overheard by: tired commuter
Conductor: 207th Street. Last stop. Everyone wake up and get the fuck off my train; I want to go home. Thanks for riding MTA.
–Uptown A train, 207th St
Overheard by: How far north can you go?
Conductor: Stand clear of the…uh…opening doors.
–Q train, 57th St
Overheard by: K. Chas
Conductor: Everybody out. This is the last stop on the Manhattan bound L train. You must use the Brooklyn bound L train and connect to the G to the A or C trains for service to Manhattan. [The train empties] Hahaha. Just kidding! Everybody back on. This train is going to Manhattan.
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Taylor G.
Conductor: Good morning, Manhattan, it’s Friday. We can do this! This is a Brooklyn bound 1 train. It’s 7:54. You’ve got plenty of time!