Dad: Katie! Katie! Where are you?
Little girl emerges.
Dad: What are you doing?! Never do that again. You know what happens when you walk away from Daddy? Some evil man comes and decides to take you and keep you forever.
–ABC Carpet, 19th & Broadway
Overheard by: hjane
Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s “Don’t sodomize the kids” world tour.
–83rd & Lex
Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.
–6th and D
Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.
–218th & Park Terrace West
Overheard by: Kelley
Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.
–Carmine St
Overheard by: arctinus
Teenage girl #1, looking at kid in cute Star Wars costume: Oooh, look at that kid!
Teenage girl #2: Oh, so you’re a pedophile too?!
Teenage girl #1: No… I don’t have to touch them.
–NYC Comic Con
Random girl: I think PETA should be informed any time an animal is fully submerged in a vagina.
–Webster Hall
Overheard by: Jen
20-something platinum blonde to another: Her vagina… Her vagina must be the size of, like, the Grand Canyon.
–7th Ave & 12th St
Girl, about her play: I don’t think people are going to laugh about the vagina being killed on stage… Yeah, no one’s gonna laugh when the vagina dies.
–NYU
Dude questioning another: What do mean by “moderate Taliban”? Like the women can wax their vaginas?
–Elizabeth Street
Young man shouting on cell: Then just tell her you don’t like her vagina!
–26th St & Park Ave
Security guard to another: I know it’s habitual to act retarded.
–Time Warner Security Check
Overheard by: spandangle
Security guard: The door’s that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it – it’s human nature.
–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: GJL
Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?
–Brooklyn Library
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They’ve got security guards! Must be a rich people place.
–86th & Brooklyn
Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma’am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: heather linford
Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I’m going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you’re stomach’s gonna freeze!
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Honest Truth
Cute teenage girl: Ma, what’s with that Pope? Isn’t he a pedophile or something?
Mother: This is New York, honey. We take everybody.
–21st St & 5th Ave
Guy #1: There are grown men who get with, like, 12-year-old girls. It’s sick.
Guy #2: It’s not sick, it’s awesome!
–39th & 7th
Headline by: Chris
Runners-Up:
· “Another Undercover Cop Passes the R Kelly ‘New Friend’ Test” — Bassmanbish
· “Fetal Attraction” — Jonathan
· “Henry Regrets Naming His Daughter Lolita” — Vasyl
· “In Prison, Greg Still Couldn’t Understand How the Sting Operation Worked.” — not impressed
· “Those Girls Are Considered 16 in China…” — David M
· “Welcome to Thailand” — the Sex tour operator
(very pretty girl waiting for the cross light to change)
Crazy old man: Yum, you sure are pretty.
(no response)
Crazy old man (excited now): Yummy! I like them pretty ones.
(pretty girl hisses at him and walks away)
Tourist dad to little girl: See, darling? That’s how you handle those situations.
–Broadway & Houston
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA?
Patient older brother: No.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA.
Patient older brother: Stop it.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA!
–22nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Flynn
Girl: So she made a mistake!
Man: She’s a pedophile!
Girl: It was a big mistake!
–62nd & York
Overheard by: petey
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist