Bag Lady: It’s always the same! It’s always the same!
Woman: Would you like this [crust]?
Bag Lady: No, I want a whole pizza!
–Joe’s Pizza, Carmine St.
Overheard by: Rachel W
Archive for the ‘Pizza’ Category
Almost As Often As He Gets Fired
Girl: Ah! there’s a cockroach under the table.
Guy: Where are you going?
Girl: Leaving. I’ll be outside. Just pay the tab.
Guy: Okay.
Waiter: …Hey, where’d your date go?
Guy: She saw a cockroch and bolted.
Waiter: Yeah, we get that a lot.
–Patsy’s Pizza, University Place
Overheard by: Luke
Who Says Life’s No Picnic for New Yorkers?
Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver to woman with pizza: Lemme…uh…have that pizza. (woman smiles awkwardly, thinking it’s a joke) I wasn’t kidding. Lemme have that pizza. (woman holding a bag of cookies gets on bus with child)
Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver: Oh, lemme just…uh uh…have one of these…uh uh…cookies. (takes cookie)
Small Asian woman (taken aback and extremely confused): What? You can’t take these.
(bus driver stuffs cookie in mouth and ignores woman)
(later)
Bus driver, on PA: Lady, these are some good cookies.
–Uptown Bus to Met from Port Authority
…Like a Gentleman
Man, from second floor window: Bye, babe, can’t wait to see you again!
Woman, passing by: You wanna fuck me again, you better get me pizza next time!
–Bradhurst Ave & 150th St
It Turned Out Just to Be a Pepperoni-shaped Sore
Crazy lady: Can I taste that pizza?
Whole Foods employee: No, you’re only allowed one sample, and I already gave you one.
Crazy lady: No, you didn’t!
Employee: Yes I did, I can see it in your mouth!
Guy in line: Gross.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Your Editors Aren’t Eating Pizza in Brooklyn ’til We Sort This Out
Friend: Where’s that pizza from?
Stroller dad: Tony’s*.
Friend: Oh, Tony’s*.
Stroller dad: Yeah. We named our rabbit Tony*.
Friend: Because it poops all the time?
Stroller dad: Yeah.
–Bar, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
No Matter How You Slice Them
Gentleman, innocently conversing with woman: He’s a tall guy, what did she expect?
Out-of-control hobo sitting next to couple: Fuck that! Tall people are pizzas. Tall people are pizzas!
–A Train
Overheard by: Katie Arvidson
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker
Bimbette: I don’t think I’ve ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…
–6 Train
Overheard by: j
Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.
–NJ Transit
Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.
–Borders
Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.
–E Train
Overheard by: Nicole
College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!
–1 Train
Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what’s that smell?
–E 9th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peanut
May I Assume Your Request for a Slice Was Purely Pretextual?
Bag lady: You got some change so I can get a slice?
Girl: I just bought this Stromboli and I won’t eat it. You want it?
Bag lady: What is it?
Girl: It’s kinda like pizza.
Bag lady, looking at Stromboli: Nah.
–81st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lolita
I’m More into Authenticity Than Quality Anyway
Suit: Hey, who has the best pizza, you or the guy down the block?
Pizzeria owner: Fuck you!
Suit: I’ll have two slices, please.
–Near Orchard & Houston
