Black guy: Yo, I can’t believe I turn 30 tomorrow.
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
Black guy: Like, I’ve got a family and a career! What the fuck is that all about?! What happened to my wrestling dream?!
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
–J Train
Archive for the ‘Puerto Ricans’ Category
To Help Her Resist the Make-up Sex
20-something Puerto Rican on cell: We’re walking to the court right now. Yeah, he is an asshole, she’s gonna get an order of protection.
20-something black woman, yelling: Yeah, I am tired of his violent shit!
20-something Puerto Rican: Uh-huh, but we’re gonna get a patty first. She’s hungry.
–Jamaica Ave & 153rd St, Queens
Overheard by: walking to court
Because Technically, White Is Just the Absence of Race
Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It’s the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people…
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don’t count!
–6 train
Overheard by: JS
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· “Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti” — madfigs
· “Just Like Proper Grammar.” — Jo
· “The Original ‘I Have a Dream’ Speech…” — Rahul Advani
· “White People: They Can Do That?” — Kiki Malibu
· “White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing” — s h
The Hills Are Alive with the Sound Of Wednesday One-Liners
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: “Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet.”
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of “What a Wonderful World”: I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of “We Are All One Body”: “We ain’t with no retards! We man’s chil’ren of the world!” (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: “Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!”
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: “Don’t want to close my eyes, don’t wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
Stacy London: Ooooo…
Obese 40-something Puerto Rican hoochie in black tube top: Hey, watch where you’re going.
Little blonde teen: Sorry. Didn’t realize you were late for your episode of “what not to wear.”
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: Jekke
You Should Hear What Puerto Ricans Say About Pride
Queer #1: When is the Puerto Rican Day parade?
Queer #2: Omigod, today!
Queer #1: Hmm. Don’t people get gang-raped at those things?
Queer #2: Maybe, I guess? Let’s go!
–West Side Highway & Jane St
Wednesday One-Liners Ain’t Got the Money, Honey
Older man, to no one in particular: That’s why I keep my income low, so no one jumps me.
–Myrtle & Clinton, Brooklyn
Woman with scratch-off lotto card to friend: I won four dollars! I won four dollars! You know I can’t spend that, though. I gotta get food for my kids. Those niggas be hungry!
–Staten Island Ferry
Angelic-looking teen girl screaming into cell: Are you coming to the movies with me? You’re broke? Just mug someone on the way. Mug someone! (pause) Mug! M‑u-g! Rhymes with “thug”!
–Chambers & West St
Puerto Rican dude on cell: I ain’t got no money. I got weed, but I ain’t got no money.
–25th St & 7th Ave
Village lady: She was in foreclosure before it was fashionable to be in foreclosure.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Isn’t That a Medical Condition?
Boricua chick #1: So does your new boyfriend go to school?
Boricua chick #2: Yeah, he goes to some fancy-ass school in Manhattan… BMCC or somethin’ like that.
–Queens Blvd
Fecal Coliform Wednesday One-Liners
Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!
–Fordham University
Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…
–LIRR terminal, Penn Station
Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.
–7th & 2nd
Overheard by: BJ
Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!
–NYU dining hall
Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.
–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus
Overheard by: Robert
All Driving Skills Improve (Try It!)
Girl: He gets it up, but he can’t keep it up. He doesn’t understand he’s dating a Puerto Rican, he needs to keep it hard.
Guy: He’s Irish. You have to understand he has to drink.
Girl: Actually when he drinks, it’s better. His sex drive improves.
–The Village Tavern, Bedford Street
