Student: Yes, but I feel that Robert was a boy while Mr Pontellier was a man.
Professor: Hm, yes, but I’m going to argue that they both had penises and were therefore both men.
–Queens College
Archive for the ‘Queens College’ Category
Oprah Has a Flag Now?
Guy: And so then he threw up, right on like the flag of the American Jesus…
(girl nods her head)
–Entrance, Queens College
Wednesday One-Liners Live on a Steady Diet of Government Cheese
Guy: I’m tellin’ you, man. America loves cheese. No, seriously, dude. America loves cheese!
–Ace’s, 5th St & Ave B
Cute 20-something guy singing while playing soccer: Bottles of cheese, bottles of cheeeeeeeeese…
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: i’d like a bottle of cheese
Girl: I’d rather have a turkey sandwich with cum on it than cheese.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lindsay
Distressed female student: She’s such a hard grader! She’s like…a cheese grater.
–Queens College
Five-year old boy: But mummy, I want goat cheese on my french fries!
–St. Regis Hotel
Overheard by: Nonok
Wednesday One-Liner’s Last Dance with Mary Jane
Professor: We will talk about the JDC – the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.
–Queens College
Overheard by: ShaniP
Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, “Katrina, for how much?” And I was like “Oh my god, mom, it doesn’t matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!”
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: penelope
Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom’s house!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Rhian
College student on cell: Mom, you’ve got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!
–Time Square
Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lagster
Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.
–Times Square
Overheard by: mary jane
Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus’s ass.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
40-something to friends: And what’s going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.
–Queens College
Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn’t get along.
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rachel Peters
Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I’m going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible – Jesus is coming back tomorrow!
–B44 Bus
Overheard by: Micah
Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he’d be a lot more popular!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Smudge
Wednesday One-Liners for Black History Month
Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it’s about black people.
–Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway
High school boy: Hey, look – a black kid!
–B1 Bus
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Black guy: Don’t worry, its alright! I’m not that black! I haven’t mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall!
–Time Square
Overheard by: Jennie
Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man!
–Queens
Overheard by: BigFatTiger
Nerdy Jewish guy: I don’t know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!
–Queens College
So Which Came First, Then?
Girl #1: So my boyfriend brought me crown fried chicken for dinner the other night.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah?
Girl #3: I heard they cum in it.
–Queens College
I Hate These Clown Shoes!
Customer to cashier: Can I have a job application, please?
Cashier to manager: I need a job application for this guy.
Manager: Why in the hell would you want to work here? I’m trying to quit!
–McDonald’s, Queens College
So Much Poor Hygiene in Such a Small Space
Freshman girl to friend: It smells like ass in here.
Junior girl with purple hair: I think it smells like stinky vagina!
–Queens College Campus
Overheard by: Lindsay
There Goes My Theory That Audrina Patridge Is Autistic, Then.
Counselor #1: I have to work with autistic kids.
Counselor #2: You mean you have to learn sign language?
Counselor #1: No… They can speak.
–Queens College
