Guy #1: So does giving a guy a handjob make you gay?
Guy #2: If your wrist starts to hurt and you’re still jerking him off, then you’re gay.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Jack Roberts
Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category
I Just Wear an Asian Mask to Attract Comments From Nice Men Like You
Random thug: How you doin’?
Asian girl: (ignores him)
Random thug: You Asian? Or are you Chinese?
Asian girl: Neither! (walks away)
–Queens
Overheard by: Long Island white boy
Wait a Minute– Are You the Creepy Guy?
Annoyed woman: And then there’s that one guy, that creepy guy who’s always harassing me.
Confused man: Who?
Annoyed woman: That guy, he’s really pale.
Confused man: Oh, is this the albino guy?
Annoyed: No, no, the albino guy is cool. It’s that film student.
Confused man: The guy who works at Anderson’s?
Annoyed woman: No, that’s the other one. He’s all right, that guy’s all right.
–R Train
Overheard by: Hannah
God, Poor People Are So Bad at Physics
B&T daughter: Let’s move to the front, we still have eight minutes.
B&T mother: Oh my god, are we moving?!
Random guy: Uh, that’s the other train that’s moving.
–LIRR Train
Isn’t This an at-Home Conversation?
Little girl, squeezing mom’s breast: Mom, what are these for?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: Mom, did I suck on them when I was littler?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: You know, Mom, like a cow? [Bends over and pretends to drink.]Mom: Like a cow?
Little girl: Yeah, did I milk you like a cow?
–N train
One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday
Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.
–NYU
Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn’t have gone to see The Little Mermaid?
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
College student: …exactly how you’d expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.
–NYU
Black guy on cell: It doesn’t mean I’m gay because I’m going to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.
–Union Square
Overheard by: erkala
20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!
–63rd St & Broadway
Eh, Either That or Good & Plenty
Skanky punk girl: Aren’t you guys a little 5th avenue for this place?…
Girl in scarf, excitedly: Ooooh, we’re 5th avenue?
–MARZ Bar, 2nd Ave & 1st St.
Overheard by: Arthur
At Least He’s Stopped Thinking It’s Another Room
Gangsta Chick: Oh my god, guys, look at him!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: What’s he doing with your mirror?
Stoned Guy: I’m on tv! (manic laugh)
–B64 Bus
Overheard by: Ben
All Married People Do This to Each Other
Chick: Oh, yeah, you were gonna call your mom.
Dude: I was?
Chick: Yeah — about your sister.
Dude: Oh, yeah. What did you want me to ask her?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Antithesis
A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?
–Café, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Anthropology professor: Everyone’s a misogynist. Women attend seminars, “seminar” comes from the word “semen,” which comes from the Latin for “a unit of knowledge.” And this, my friends, is how women get smart.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU
Rambling man: Nobody’s gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.
–Rivington & Forsyth
