Guy: Ooh, remember that time you got raped there?
Girl: Yeah! Why did we ride bikes, anyway?
–11th Street & 3rd Avenue
Archive for the ‘Rape’ Category
Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liners
Girl on cell: You keep talking over me – it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.
–Ray’s Pizza, 52 & 8th
Overheard by: Jarett
Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as “that guy” and we’ll see how long you stay conscious.
–33rd & 7th
Nervous man seated against the wall: I don’t like this seat. I don’t like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there’s a fight? I don’t want to be trapped in a place with a fight.
–Off-Broadway Theatre
Overheard by: Hannah
Ghetto chick: Can’t you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?
–W Train
Overheard by: sara n.
Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…
Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?
–Chambers St
Overheard by: Shooty
Wednesday One-Liners Kinda Miss Bush’s Speeches
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) “fastest.” Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that’s what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that’s English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, “violated.”
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
It’s Not the Size of His Knife, It’s How He Uses It
Tall girl: Louis XIV? They’re a bunch of rapists.
Short girl: So?
Tall girl: So you shouldn’t listen to the music of rapists!
Short girl: I like rapists! Rapists are the best!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: JB
She Doesn’t See Sexual Assault as a Celebration, Like We Do
Drunk, creepy guy #1: She’s always telling us about our flaws, and why she won’t get with us, but she won’t listen to us tell her about her flaws!
Drunk, creepy guy #2, burning his hand with a lighter: Yeah, she probably acts the way she does because she was raped, but she’s like “I don’t want to talk about it!”
–1 train
The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It’s like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Sylvia Hadn’t Realized They Were off Staten Island.
Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “wonderfully” I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
I’m More Offended That It’s By Hamilton’s House
Two skateboard guys make as much noise as possible to get a chick’s attention. She doesn’t take the bait.
Skateboy #1: Whatever! Forget her!
Skateboy #2: Hey, baby!
She turns.
Skateboy #2: Let’s not make this into a rape thing, y’know?
–142nd & Convent
McDonald’s? Are You Trying to Kill Me?
Barefoot hobo grabbing tourist by shoulders: Gimme your shoes, nigga!
Blonde tourist #1: Take my McDonald’s! Don’t rape me!
Blonde tourist #2: Rape her! She’s prettier than me!
–15th & 5th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julieee
You’ve At Least Got to Tell Them Not to Scream
Suit #1: Dude, admit it: you want to go to Dorian’s.
Suit #2: No, I don’t.
Suit #1: Yes, you do. Admit it.
Suit #2: Dude, no! I want to talk to chicks, not rape them.
–Tortilla Flats, Washington Street
Overheard by: Initials
