Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

So, Wanna Fuck?

Good looking suit to lunch date: How about this – let’s say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let’s say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that’s a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them – that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me – I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me – maybe, if I’m lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don’t know. Aside from that, I’m looking at 2 – 3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That’s why it’s easier for girls.
Date: Wow.
Good looking suit: It’s simple math.
Date: You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit: Men are scum.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies

One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday-One-Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.

–110th St Train Station

Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: S&J

Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300-pound girl?

–14th & 3rd Ave

Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.

–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Mon

Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Juliet

Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!

–1 Train

Overheard by: megan

Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?

–Classroom, NYU

Jeez, Who Wouldn’t Want Devastating Vortices?

Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I need to blend this. I wish I had blenders for hands.
Serious friend: Some people would want to be able to fly or read minds… I guess that’s a pretty good super power too.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I’d used my blender hands to stir up the air and fly, like helicopter propellers.
Serious friend: Come on, think about the physics of that. If anything, you’d just create two devastating vortices on either side of you and suck everybody in. No flying.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: If we’re already asking for blender hands, I think a minor change in the laws of physics would be workable.
Serious friend: True. (spins hands like blender-propellers)

–6 Train

Overheard by: Lynne

Much Like the Continued Popularity of Walker: Texas Ranger

Drunk guy to laughing Asian: There is no theory of evolution – only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Girlfriend: Babe, no more Chuck Norris, please!
Drunk guy: But Chuck Nor…
Girlfriend: No, give me one good reason you should talk about Chuck Norris.
Drunk guy (without hesitation): Cause god wanted 10 days to create the world, and Chuck Norris only gave him 6, do you want an 8‑day work week? Huh?
Girlfriend to friend: How did I just lose this argument?
Friend: Yeah, that was unexpected.

–Zanzibar Bar

Overheard by: Wish i was chuck norris