Mom: Don’t think of it as losing a friend…but as gaining a holiday destination.
–A train
Overheard by: Clacky
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
The Beds Were Covered with Sheet
Woman: This reminds me of the time my son caught us having sex in his bed.
Man: Which one?
Woman: The second time for my older son.
Man: Yeah…That was the filthiest sex ever.
–LIRR train
Overheard by: Sue Ludmilla
Stay on Topic for God’s Sake!
Jock #1: Don’t you dare tell me that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. I’ll kick your ass.
Jock #2: Shut up, you know he doesn’t exist.
Jock #1: Then who the hell puts the presents under the tree?!
Jock #2: Your mom does!
Jock #3: I’d totally do your mom. No lie.
Jock #2: Me, too.
Jock #1: Santa exists, dammit!
–Midtown Direct train
Overheard by: Believes
Wednesday One-Liners for Vanessa Hudgens
Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?
–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Swimfan
Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!
–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center
Overheard by: Natalie
Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.
–Museum of Art and Design
Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.
–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator
Overheard by: Martin
Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Lilo
Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.
–A Train
Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know
Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.
–N 4th & Bedford Ave
I’m Not Hearing a ‘No’
Dude: Bitch, you’re one hot bitch.
Girl: Did you just call me a bitch?
Dude: Wanna have sex?
Girl: I would, but I have to walk in this direction now.
–Central Park
Fuckin’ Wednesday One-liners
Hipster: Of course I saw her fuck him – I was watching!
–Grand St, Williamsburg
Guy: I even thought about taking him to the tranny bar, you know, so he could be free.
–Sounds, St. Marks Place
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
I Suppose That Depends on Which Bunk
Hipster #1: …I don’t know dude, I wouldn’t fuck her.
Hipster #2: What? Why not? She’s hot!
Hipster #1: I don’t like fucking ’em when they’re taller than me. Feels too much like prison sex.
–F train
Those Poor Crabs Are Now in Detox
Old junkie guy #1: …So the bitch is fucking bitching about wearin’ a condom. She won’t let me bust my nut in her ’til I slap one on. So I do! And the bitch gives me crabs!
Old junkie guy #2: What a ho.
–Bx15 bus
Wednesday One-liners Went There
Woman: All right, but you’ve really got to stop smoking once you start showing.
–14th & 7th
Guy: We were going by and her mom said, “Hey Mindy! Jumprope! Want to
pee?”.
–Suffolk Street rooftop
Teen girl on cell: Things have changed. We’re not even friends anymore; she’s like this expensive tampon-wearing, stuck-up slut. So what if she can afford Tampax Pearl, I’m still better than her!
–49th & Broadway
Bored woman on cell: Yes baby, that’s the spot, I’m coming.
–F train
Jewish JHS boy: My older brother keeps calling me a pussy and telling me I have to play sports. He’s such a douche.
–S train
Overheard by: Jennifer Smith
Teenage girl: But I think it’s always a bad sign when you see blood floating in the ocean, whether it’s actually whale menstrual fluid or not.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: djlindee
She Needs a Change After All the Big Black Men
Girl #1: What’s with all the little white men?
Girl #2: The Navy guys?
Girl #1: White, Jesus.
Girl #2: What?
Pause
Girl #1: In those little costumes… don’t you just want to jump them?
–34th & Lexington
Overheard by: love them sailors
