Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?
–Café, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Anthropology professor: Everyone’s a misogynist. Women attend seminars, “seminar” comes from the word “semen,” which comes from the Latin for “a unit of knowledge.” And this, my friends, is how women get smart.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU
Rambling man: Nobody’s gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.
–Rivington & Forsyth
20-something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
Guy: No homo, but Derek Jeter has a pretty amazing ass. Probably the best ass in baseball.
Girl in front of him: Oh, it is not at all gay to appreciate Derek Jeter’s ass. The New York Post once said it could stop traffic.
–Yankee Stadium
Girl: Is Beirut the same thing as Beer Pong?
Guy: What?
Girl: Beirut. Is it the same thing as Beer Pong?
Guy: Beer what?
Girl: Beer Pong.
Guy: Beer Pong?
Girl: Yeah. I feel like Beirut isn’t a real sport.
Guy: Oh, is Beirut a sport?
Girl: I don’t think so. I think it’s like Beer Pong.
Guy: Oh, I always thought it was a country.
–Columbia University
Pretty tourist #1: Do you think they’ll ever have the Tour de France in New York?
Pretty tourist #2: No, you moron. (beat) There aren’t enough hills.
–47th & 7th, Fashion District
Overheard by: Zac
Employee #1: Hey, look at this picture.
Employee #2: Yeah, she never would have made cheerleader if she had two legs.
Headline by: azione
Runners-Up:
· “Amputation is the New Anorexia” — Amanda
· “And they want to take away affirmative action?” — Holly G
· “But I’d Still TOTALLY Bang Her” — Jason
· “But her talent is obvious…” — fuel
· “Come on, Eileen” — Parker
· “Four legs good, two legs bad!” — Zomzom
· “From the McCartney — Mills Divorce Files” — Gimpy La Rue
· “How to lose those extra pounds to make the squad: amputation” — Sean McGurr
· “Kids will do anything to make the team” — Spin
· “Or a head.” — Jeremiah Lewis
· “Playing the amputee card” — Mandaliet
· “She’d still be a virgin now too” — Sarah
· “Title IX didn’t say they had to actually do the routines.” — CityGirl
· “Tryouts were tough for the Special Olympics cheer squad.” — John
· “We call her Tripod Betty” — Wendy
· “When Affirmative action goes too far” — Marv in DC
Woman: Who do you think would win a fight between Ann Coulter and Maureen Dowd?
Man: A fight?
Woman: Yeah, you know, a death match.
Man: I’m gonna go with Ann Coulter.
Woman: You think? They both wear long, spikey heels. They could put each other’s eyes out pretty fast.
Man: But Ann Coulter would be like, “Rock on, I’m in a death cage!” And Maureen Dowd would be like, “Wait, what am I doing in a death cage?”
–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A
Drunk girl: Do you skateboard?
Random guy: Yeah.
Drunk girl: Do you own a skateboard?
Random guy: Yeah.
Drunk girl: Do you wanna have sex on your skateboard?
–4th & Ave C
Overheard by: Shani
Queer #1, to girl in Red Sox shirt: The Red Sox are fabulous!
Queer #2: Can you be any more gay?
–West 4th & Perry
Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don’t ruin it.
–Gourmet Garage
Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.
–NBC Studios
Overheard by: Tracy
Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!
–Central Park
Overheard by: chellie
Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don’t start behavin’ I’m gonna send you in for the new model!
–R Train
Overheard by: Kait
Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don’t do that! You gonna get germs! Yo’ hand gonna fall off!
–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp
Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he’s stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.
–East Village
Mom holding little boy’s hand: Forget everything you’ve seen today.
–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist