Customer: Yeah, can I get one for the movie where the girl’s vagina has teeth?
Box office cashier: Sorry, sir, this show’s sold out. The next one’s at 8:25.
Customer: Sold out? How many people actually want to see a movie where a girl’s vagina has teeth?
–City Cinemas, 12th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
20-something woman #1: Why don’t boys like me? Because of my snaggle-tooth?
20-something woman #2: No. Because you’re obsessed with The Snorks.
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Dude #1: Oh, The Spiderwick Chronicles is out!
Dude #2 (in awe): Dude, did you see that?
Dude #1: Yeah, it was amazing!
Dude #2: Yeah? How were the graphics?
Dude #1: Dude – amazing!
Dude #2: Dude – you have braces!
Dude #1: Yeah, dude, I told you. God!
–Blockbuster
Overheard by: brianfair
Headline by: mike
Runners-Up:
· “And the Winner for Youngest Bro Of the Week Goes To.…” — jumpstop
· “Ashton Kutcher Needs to Stop Producing Reality TV” — D. Emmy
· “Even Siskel & Ebert Had to Start Somewhere.” — space coyote
· “Life Imitates Ashton Kutcher Films…” — Duuude
· “Someone’s Getting Laid Tonight!” — lisa
Guy: Hey, my brothers are in town.
Girl: Hey! Looks like there will be a whole set of teeth in the house!
Guy: You’re a bitch.
–Wall St
Overheard by: Emily
Eight-year-old brother speaking to four year old brother in high pitched witches voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old brother, without pausing: It will taste like a delicious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crackers! But your hair, your hair will be completely burned off.
Four-year-old: [Giggles maniacally.]
–C Train
Overheard by: never having kids
NYU boy #1: Damn, we were so high last night.
NYU boy #2: I know, I was just in the bathroom looking at the shampoo bottle for, like, twenty minutes because it was, like, so beautiful!
NYU boy #3 (laughing): Yeah, Brady was so fucked up… Remember when he threw up his teeth?
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: cindy fernandez
Sleazy guy: I love going to my dentist, the new one. The hygienist holds my hand while they’re giving me a shot. She talks to me. She pets me like a chinchilla. It’s fantastic.
–Elevator, 360 Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Old man with pet lizard: Thirty-four years ago we got married. She had dental coverage. It’s very easy to find a girl with medical coverage… Dental, not so easy.
–77th St & 37th Ave, Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Gail Montemayor
Blonde tween: they usually take out 2 teeth before they put on the braces. They took 4 of mine. It felt great! I wanted ’em to take all of mine and be all gums.
–D Train
Overheard by: Going to keep those wisdom teeth a bit longer
Girl on cell: So I was able to brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to puke.
–77th and 2nd
Cleaning woman on cell phone: She is a butterface. You know, everything’s lookin’ good but her face. Her body is nice, but she has some ugly-ass, skanky ass face. I told her she ain’t gonna get no man without any teeth in her face. I told her she’s gotta get some nice grilles put all up in there.
–Atlantic Mall
Overheard by: jsillyfun
Ghetto girl spouting knowledge to friend: Sometimes, you just gotta bite your teeth, and turn the other head…
–4 train
Guy on acid: I can’t get the taste of teeth out of my mouth!
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: LSB
Man: I’m getting kind of sick of Will Ferrell.
Woman: Well, he’s kind of an asshole…and he has bad teeth.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Ethan
Secretary in stall, to another: I told her that in this position she has to wear her teeth in. You can’t go around here with no teeth in your mouth.
–Office restroom, Midtown
Overheard by: Anonymous Law Firm Employee
Woman on cell: What? Turn your hearing aid up! Put your teeth in! I can’t understand you!
–Prince & Broadway
Guy to girlfriend: Hey, babe, I gotta run to the interview. Can you check my teeth for hairs?
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Guy
Saucy Latina: She has the hair of every dental hygienist I’ve ever known.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McFreaky
Girl on cell: What?! You haven’t showered in a day? At what time? Pedro Miguel*, that is nasty! Your balls must be sweaty and stinky. Smell your underwear… Have you even wiped them with a baby wipe, at least? Have you at least brushed your teeth? You’ve brushed your teeth, but not showered? How is that not nasty?!
–Bx12 bus
Overheard by: SilentButDeadly
Hobo: Does anyone have an extra toothbrush or two dozen eggs to spare?
–Outside Gristede’s, UES
Overheard by: no eggs to spare
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist