Hipster girl: You know it’s just so sad that I will never be able to see the world through anything but the eyes of a dancer. Because that’s what I am, a dancer. I mean, I will never be able to experience the world through the eyes of say an architect or a designer. Oh my God! Don’t you just pine for the 80s when dance was the treasured art form?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Rebecca
Eight-year-old girl with babysitter seeing mom on the street: Mommy, why do you smell like alcohol?
Mom: Because it’s Tuesday, sweetie.
–Franklin & Broadway
Overheard by: Carleesto
Girl: Oh my God, you guys. I still have my Friday panties on.
Guy: You’d better hurry up and get home; there are only two hours before it’s Sunday.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas
B&T daughter: Let’s move to the front, we still have eight minutes.
B&T mother: Oh my god, are we moving?!
Random guy: Uh, that’s the other train that’s moving.
–LIRR Train
Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.
–110th St Train Station
Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: S&J
Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300-pound girl?
–14th & 3rd Ave
Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.
–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Mon
Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Juliet
Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!
–1 Train
Overheard by: megan
Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?
–Classroom, NYU
Bartender: Tonight I’ll be dancing on the bar every three hours. I normally dance every hour but I had an abortion yesterday.
Drinker: Oh.
–48th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: drunkberserker
Girl: You left me for two hours!
Hot gay guy: You left me for one hour!
Girl: I had an errand to run! You did not!
Hot gay guy: My organism is an errand!
Girl: Do normal people do this? When I’m bored, I read or do something constructive.
Hot gay guy: When I’m bored, I have an orgasm.
–9th & Ave C
Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!
–Soho
Overheard by: Anastassia
Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.
–L Train
Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!
–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…
–Lucky Jack’s bar, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.
–William & Cedar
Overheard by: Laura
Queer eye: Lindsay Lohan wore this dress on the cover of Teen Vogue; ever since then, it’s been like…crack cocaine.
–Marc Jacobs, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Mat Triebner
Girl #1: I want to get pregnant in March. Let’s get pregnant in march.
Girl #2: Wait, where are we now?
Girl #1: My uterus is ready.
Girl #2: I had a full checkup, and my uteri are great.
Girl #1: Oh my god, you have two uteruses? You are awesome! You have utters. You have yoo-utters!
Girl #2: Yeah, I have three breasts.
–Cafe near Columbia
Overheard by: DL
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist