Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It’s downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!
–Canal St
Overheard by: InShock
Archive for the ‘Tourists’ Category
The First 31 Years Were Just a Blip
Tourist #1: I want a soda, but I don’t see it on the menu.
Tourist #2: They don’t have soda here?
Tourist #3: I don’t see any drinks on the menu at all.
Tourist #1: This place’ll never make it without soda.
–Carnegie Deli, 54th & 7th
Overheard by: Sitting at the table next to them, three feet away
I Missed My Stop Again?
Tourist #1: Wait, where are we?
Skater kid: Fuckin’ Earth man, fucking Earth.
Tourist #2: Wait, where?
–Bethesda Fountain, Central Park
Wednesday One-Liners Kinda Miss Bush’s Speeches
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) “fastest.” Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that’s what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that’s English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, “violated.”
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
He Obviously Doesn’t Believe in Disco
Tourist guy: Why do the buildings in New York have water tanks on the
roofs?
Cop guy: I don’t know…maybe they knock it over if the building
goes up in flames.
–Bowery & Delancey
The City Squeezes Them Out at Every Orifice
Tourist #1: I can’t wait to leave New York.
Tourist #2: It’s not for claustrophobes.
–Times Square
Other Cities Just Say They’re the Greatest in the World
Frat tourist guy: Hey! I just hailed a New York City cab!
New Yorker, jumping into cab: I just stole your cab!
–Bleecker & Hudson
Overheard by: sean
San Francisco, Maybe
Pretty tourist #1: Do you think they’ll ever have the Tour de France in New York?
Pretty tourist #2: No, you moron. (beat) There aren’t enough hills.
–47th & 7th, Fashion District
Overheard by: Zac
Like That Awesome Hobo Who Urinated on Us Earlier!
Tourist: I read about this place in that New York book I got from the library.
Guy in line: Did it also tell you that when it’s a full moon everything is half off?
Tourist to friend: Dude! We should just both get the large, then.
Friend: I love this town and its little quirks like this.
–Gray’s Papaya
Ask a New Yorker to Explain This One
Boy, 7: Daddy, I wanna see the Empire State Building.
Father: Sorry, son. That’s way uptown and we’re headed downtown.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Christopher Mignemi
