Six-year-old boy pushing shopping cart: Daddy, look! Beer!
Dad: Yes, that’s beer.
Six-year-old boy: We have to get some beer.
Dad: No, we’re not getting any beer today.
Six-year-old boy, bummed: Okay, we won’t get any beer today.
–Gristedes Supermarket, 40th & 2nd
Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?
–Subway
Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.
–44th & 3rd
Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!
–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
Overheard by: a girl who poops
Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.
–Restroom, Hunter College
Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.
–NYU Stern Building
Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: KeeZ
Bimbette #1: I hate leaving Manhattan.
Bimbette #2: Ugh, yeah… I never leave Manhattan except to go to Europe.
–Restaurant, 34th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jonny
Girl #1: I am like, totally addicted to Days of our Lives.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I am so fucked up, because this one character totally got fired and they put another guy in his place. I can’t even watch him, because, you know, he’s not the same guy.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, it’s really fucked up my TV viewing schedule. I mean, what am I going to watch, one of the judge shows?
Girl #2: Well, you could go to class or study instead.…
Girl #1: I don’t need to. I’m studying to be a second wife. That girl’s shoes are so cute. They would match my bag. Excuse me, where’d you get those shoes?
Girl #3: My husband.
Girl #1: See, class dismissed.
–53rd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Kimbers614
Too tan woman: It’s the first day in a week that no one has called me a psychopath.…yet.
–W. 66th between Broadway and Central Park West
Guy: I thought when I got up I was going to lose control. Then it went away.
–54th between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
Big guy: That girl’s a serial killer. She murders men and then leaves panties on their face.
–47th Street & 5th Avenue
Overheard by: Brian
Girl on cell: No, I am a dirty whore, but I’m a law student; I’m a smart dirty whore.
–51st & 2nd
Dude #1: Did you go home with that girl last night?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was up all night. She was like a fucking porn star — stuck her finger in my ass!
Dude #1: Porn star? That girl had a face fit for radio! And she told me that she was really Catholic!
Dude #2: I told her I’ve only been with two girls, and then I tried to stick it in her ass!
Dude #1: You are a real scumbag!
–36th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peter Persico
Mom: Grandma was happy to see you. Why did you have to go and kick her legs?
Little boy, shrugging: Sawww-eee.
–45th & Lex
Bimbette #1: Wait, but, like… What state is Louisiana in, again?
Bimbette #2: I don’t know. Like, Arkansas?
–56th & Madison
Overheard by: trooshieb
Hot chick #1 during Tom Brady close-up: Ohhh, I just want to give him a hug!
Hot chick #2: I want to make out with him.
Hot chick #3: I want to put his penis in my mouth.
–Watching Patriots/Colts game, Sutton Pl, 53rd & 2nd
Overheard by: Lee
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist