Conductor: Dyckman Street’s next.
Teen boy who kicked down the door of the back car and got on the intercom: Yeah, motherfucker! Dyckman Street’s next, nigga!
–1 train near 191st
Overheard by: vegannramember
Archive for the ‘Washington Heights and Inwood’ Category
Janet Reno Day One-Liners
Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don’t like you! Don’t you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!
–176th & Broadway
Overheard by: emily d.
Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!
–2nd Ave & 10th St
Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!
–Midtown Bar
Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?
–Broadway & 13th St
Playgroup Snack-time Brings Out Anxiety in a Lot Of First Time Moms
Girl #1: I’m sorry! They’re closed!
Girl #2, crying: I don’t care! There’s no way I’m going in that room without some Kool-Aid!
–Outside Gristedes, 170th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cheezy Kreezy
Strange How You Never See Them Together
Little boy #1: I’m telling you, Elvis lives, man.
Little boy #2: Where’s my mom?
–187th & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: yum
Wednesday One-Liners Should Not Be Taken If You Are Pregnant or Nursing
Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.
–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St
Overheard by: dlr
Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.
–E Train
Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.
–E 14th St
Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.
–NYS Psychiatric Institute
Overheard by: nonrandomerror
Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season ‑you could tell.
–Oriental Garden
Have You Forgetten Isadora Duncan?
Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it’s pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won’t be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.
–167th St
Yet They Won’t Have Useless Diplomas
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
Wednesday-One-Liner and Disorderly
Student: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.
–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem
Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!
–Central Park
Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don’t worry about him, he’s just drunk.
–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!
–University & 9th St
New York Girls Have Always Swooned for Quasimodo’s “Ironic” Sense Of Style
Hermit-looking man at bakery counter: Euhh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Kenny’s dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Kenny, and I’m not sorry!” And the other will say… it will say, “Obama is my homeboy!“
20-something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you… for real?
Hermit-looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20-something hipster girl: You… you win at life, sir.
–167th & Broadway
The Dangers of Making Love in Front of the Robots
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
