NYU girl #1: It’s almost like… a pseudo-lesbian crush… I mean, I don’t wanna touch her or anything.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, I don’t wanna touch her, I just…
NYU girl #1: I just, like, want her to lay in my bed with me and tell stories.
–Washington Square Park
Guy #1: So does giving a guy a handjob make you gay?
Guy #2: If your wrist starts to hurt and you’re still jerking him off, then you’re gay.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Jack Roberts
Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Daniel
Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?
–76th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sonny
Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.
–NYU Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Maria
Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Wemily
NYU professor with thick french accent: What’s that drug called?
Student: Viagra.
NYU professor with thick french accent: Yeah, Viagra. Studies suggest that it stimulates organs in both males and females. Trust me, I know it works on both.
–Washington Square South & LaGuardia Place
Girl #1: So, how was your night last night?
Girl #2: Um, I’m pretty sure I have jizz in my hair.
–Washington Square Park
Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it’s the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I’m not fishiverous!
–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria
Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood
Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?
–28th & 7th
Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: camillo cavour
Man to wife: That’s too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.
–East Village
NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is selling Paris Hilton’s urine as perfume! It was all yellow in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell — 20 bucks a pop.‘
NYU ditz #2: No freaking way — what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine — I just can’t believe he collected her urine… [Baffled pause] You think it was really hers? I love Paris Hilton!
–Starbucks corner, Washington Square
NYU girl #1: What about Harrison Ford? You know, Indiana Jones?
NYU girl #2: Ew! He’s like, 80.
NYU girl #1: He’s 67, thank you, and I’d wrangle his whip anytime!
–Washington Square
Chick #1: She was from Mexico, or more specifically, Brazil.
Chick #2: Oh.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Laura M.
Queer: She’s very uncomfortable with her face. Well, she is 60. She said to me, “Why can’t I just grow old? Why can’t I just grow old like everyone else?” And I wanted to say, because you’re Farrah Fawcett, that’s why.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Valerie Goodman
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist