Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System

Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Democrat

Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?

–7^th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: Chuckell

Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.

–Washington Square Park

Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! “Dream ticket!” That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124^th St, Harlem

Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…

–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PdQ

I Heart New York (A Short Story)

Wheelbette: Excuse me, sir — do you have the time?
Guy: Shut up.

–26^th & 6^th

Can Civil Engineering Correct This Lack Of Civility? Discuss.

(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I’m sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I’m sorry, I can…
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I’m so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don’t apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)

–Washington Square Village

Overheard by: zgoldberg

We Require an Application and 3 Letters of Reference

Charity rep. with big water bottle of money: Give so that homeless won’t go hungry, even a dollar helps!
Homeless guy in wheelchair: Give me some of that money, I’m homeless.
Charity rep: Sorry, doesn’t work like that.

–Times Square

I Find That Lying Usually Ends Up Hurting People.

Heavyset guy: Hey, I don’t mind telling you. I’m a psychopath. I don’t give a fuck about people.
Woman in wheelchair-scooter: Mm-hmm. Oh, I know.
Heavyset guy: Yeah, I just I don’t give a fuck. I’ll be a psychopath till the day I die, and I don’t even care. I’m not gonna lie about it.

–Lenox & 129^th

Mrs. Henderson Worked the Stroll for Years

Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: That’s too bad. I don’t like to stroll; I like to have a destination.
Caregiver lady pushing wheelchair: Where would you like to go, then?
Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: Bed!

–Prospect Park

Wednesday One-Liners Were Extras for the Thriller Video

Dude: I once saw Donald Sutherland get pushed up a flight of stairs by a ghost in a hotel in Toronto.

–Sheraton Hotel, 52^nd & 7^th

Overheard by: Matthew Rick

Queer: Vampires are sooo ’80s.

–7^th & 2^nd

Overheard by: Esther

Wheelbo: I don’t like to tell people this… But I’m a monster!

–72^nd & Amsterdam

Bartender: If you touch the leprechaun, there is a fine.

–Brooklyn

Crazy guy on train: Those scheming connivers — they send Romans and zombies after you.

–V train

Overheard by: other end of the train

Man asking friend in earnest: … But where are you going to get that many werewolves?

–12^th & 3^rd

Overheard by: Marty

Hipster: All she needs is a vampire to keep her warm.

–30^th & 3^rd

Overheard by: buffy fan

Wednesday One-Liners, in a Nutshell.

Man in car at stoplight on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a towel for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I covered my nuts. So I run down the stairs covering my nuts with a towel because I knew where the smoke was coming from!

–127^th & Lenox

Street tough to guy in wheelchair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.

–E 2^nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Crazy man: Where’s Howie? Where’s my favorite nut-nut?

–Hanson Place

Overheard by: JBeck

Dude on cell while riding bicycle: It’s hanging off your nuts?

–Williamsburg

Mom 20-something daughter heading to Penn Station: Should we grab our nuts, at least?

–7^th Ave & 34^th St

Overheard by: Just don’t grab my nuts

Wednesday One-Liners Are Older, but No Wiser

Crotchety old Jewish lady, passing Palm Sunday parade: Easter is for amateurs.

–W 72^nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Naomi Choy Smith

Little old lady looking down steep basement stairway: Wow…I wouldn’t want to be drunk going down those stairs!

–Broome & Essex

Old guy: I’m going out for a smoke. If you see someone take this jacket, shoot to kill.

–Starbucks

Old man with beard, hunched over walker, watching couple holding hands: You two been doin’ the nasty, ain’t ya?

–27^th & Broadway

Old black lady in wheelchair: I mean, what was he gonna do with a dead body?

–Bowery

Overheard by: Lauren

Very old man to another, in thick New York accent: Ya gotta take it…and put it on ya rectum like this. (demonstrates with hand gesture)

–53^rd St & 10^th Ave

Elderly gentleman to another: From now on, you will obey me!

–Carnegie Hall

Every One-Liner Has Its Wednesday

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!

–22^nd St & 6^th Ave

Overheard by: Tigertail

Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that’s looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don’t eat it!

–14^th St & University Place

Overheard by: Bee

Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!

–Union Square

Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it’s there doesn’t mean you can pee on it. That’s a nice bike!

–9^th St & 50^th St

Overheard by: EmGusk

Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!

–St. Mark’s & Ave A

Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism

Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Wheelbos’ Category